My wife and I have been married for 14 years. Most of those years have been happy, but the one ongoing issue in our marriage is her complete and utter disinterest in intimacy. Usually she would just decide to give in once a month or so and we would be intimate, but lately she doesn’t even do that. She acts as if it is a task to even give me a quick hug or kiss, which is a slap in the face to me. I have been secretly checking her to see if she is sending her affections elsewhere and haven’t seen anything. All of this is getting to the point where I am starting to get really depressed. We have two boys who I love dearly, and leaving just isn’t an option. I can’t do that to my boys. I don’t want to look elsewhere either because I really do not want to leave that kind of example for them. I literally am in a spot where I cannot win. Every time that I talk to her about this, it turns into a huge fight about how I just feel like she doesn’t have sex with me enough. She doesn’t want to listen when I try to explain that it isn’t just about sex, but intimacy. I am so angry, hurt, and depressed and just do not know what to do. She won’t do any counseling because she doesn’t think that she is wrong. Any input on this will be greatly appreciated.
Dear Trying to make it work;
You are in a hard spot, because you have already tried to communicate to your wife about the way you feel and she only wants to start arguing with you because she doesn’t want to hear you saying things about her that she may not want to face. I usually have an answer but it seems you are on the right track by being faithful to your family, however, you need love too and it is not fair for you to stay in a marriage that you are just not happy in. You need to sit with her again and tell her that this isn’t only about sex but about your affection towards each other, you feel she is distant and things need to change if she wants to save your marriage. Counseling is not a bad idea, but she definitely has to agree to it first. I am sorry you are in such a hot spot, but have faith, and patience and hopefully she will come around. If she doesn’t see the faults in her actions, you need to really think about your relationship and your position. I understand you love your kids but kids retain and see everything that is going around them, and is it healthy for them to see an unhealthy relationship growing in their own home? Or to separate and still be there for them but have them understand that sometimes things just don’t work out. If you stay and you are miserable that is an option but is it worth it? Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for your kids for them only to grow up and leave the house and have their own family one day, and having perhaps intimacy issues with their spouse because they don’t see anything wrong with not being affectionate? You have to see this in all angles, it isn’t just about mommy and daddy getting a divorce, and having two houses to go to, it’s so much more than that and children see and feel more than we can ever imagine. You really need to sit with your wife again and let her know that this is about more than just sex and your relationship is in danger… We all deserve to be honest with each other and ourselves. Good luck
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com