Perhaps it is a strong word. Dreams… sometimes… Daydreams….randomly through out the day….Memories…All the time….Anxiety….with the memories….Sadness….Scared….Traumatized?
You have to continue living after an accident, or something bad that has happened to you, the hard part isn’t continuing to live the hard part is getting back into the same routine you have been so accustomed to without having the bad memories pop into your head every couple of minutes or hours or days. My experience wasn’t all that bad compared to a lot of people who have been in accidents. Most recently an employee was in a motorcycle accident, he broke one wrist, the other hand and his ankle. He has been like this for over a month and still confined to a wheelchair and lots and lots of physical therapy. That to me reminds me of how lucky I am, how I have no reason to truly complain about anything let alone my accident where I walked out of the car without a single scratch. Sure my neck and shoulders are still a bit sore, but that comes with the whiplash of the accident. I rather be sore with a few aches and pains then confined to a wheel chair and needing people to help you do stuff (like going to the restroom). I rather be me any day, and with all that and with knowing that what I said is 110% all true, I still can’t help but to fear, I still can’t help but to feel bad and scared. Every time I start picturing that morning, the rain, the car lights, the hit, it all just happened so fast.
Let it go….
Letting it go is easier said than done, and I know this. If I was giving advice I would say to confront your fear, pass by that area again and let it go. Accidents happen and this is a lesson to learn from, to be more careful, more aware of your surroundings, to not let fear conquer you and to be grateful that nothing happened to you. Sure you have to deal with the aftermath, but everything will be taken care of in time. Let it go and keep living. Knowing all this you think it would be easy for me. Knowing all this, you think I can just let it go, forget and move on. Each time I picture it I get a shiver down my spine, each time I think about it I get saddened that this had to happen. I’m still trying to figure out the “everything happens for a reason” … I still can’t drive in that same spot. Now I go a different way to work in the morning.
When will it stop haunting me and when will I let it go? Only time can tell, I think I will be fine, I know I will be fine, it is just a scary thought that this could have been much worse. Makes you think about life and the things you want and what truly is important and unimportant. Makes you think and realize that things could always be so much worse and today I am just thankful to be able to write this, to sit here with only a little soreness around the neck and carry on with my life as if nothing happened….