The Car Accident…
I got up like any other morning, thought about snoozing another 10 minutes and then finally just decided to get up and get ready for work. I got ready, made breakfast and stopped before leaving wondering and feeling like I was forgetting something. I headed towards the door, locked the door, went to the elevator and headed up to my car, I started going down the garage and headed outside and saw that it was raining. I turned my windshield wipers on and headed down the road to work. I was just driving, listening to music and thinking about life, when I look to the side and see the car coming towards me, I look up and it was too late to stop the car hit me on the driver side turning my car, popping my tire and spinning my world around. I got out of the car and everyone was fine, I was fine, they were fine but my car wasn’t fine. Material things come and go, or they get fixed; that wasn’t my concern at all, the only thing that really bothered was that I was the one who got the ticket and I don’t even know what happened. Now I have a ticket to pay, traffic school or court, missions in life that make you wonder why things really happen in life.
If you read my blog you know that I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I am one to admit that saying it is easier said than actually experiencing it. I have gone through things in life where I later turn around and realize why things do happen for a reason, this, this accident I’m still trying to figure out what the reason is?
My boyfriend took me to the hospital afterward just to make sure everything was okay, because my whole left side of my neck and shoulder where killing me. Everything checked out fine, I just had a spasm in my neck which will be sore for several days or weeks. They gave me a soft neck brace and a muscle relaxer. I’m now sitting her typing this with the neck brace on, I didn’t sleep all night from not wanting to make the wrong move and hurt my neck more and from the anxiety every time I thought about getting in a car or taking that same road the next time I go to work.
When I was sitting in my car I didn’t notice it in the moment, but when I started trying to replay what happened, I all of a sudden got a vision of a moment in the car accident. I sat there and in one moment, one second in time I saw my grandparents, I saw my grandfather looking at me, and I saw my grandmother and I even saw Oz. I don’t know what it all means but I can’t stop thinking about it. When I think about the accident I get anxiety, I get nervous and feel bad about the entire thing. In life we go through things we don’t know the reasons for, this is one of those moments. It was almost as if my life flashed before my eyes, and although I walked out of that car accident with nothing but a few sores in my neck, I wonder if this is some type of sign. If everything happens for a reason, what is this reason?
In a split second you see things you didn’t even notice you saw, you later remember what you saw and have no clue why or what it means. In life things happen that we never truly know the meaning for, I always try to figure things out, I can’t help but stress, I can’t help but worry and I can’t help but wonder what the reasons are? I look back at past events, present and future and I wonder what the universe has in store for me. If this is now, if this is what I feel, then what can I do to make things better? This year has been a major roller coaster of emotions. I have had good things happen like finally finishing my Associates Degree, Moving into my new place with my boyfriend, having my health and family and friends, the bad somehow seem to take control, Loosing Oz and Precious was something so hard, thinking about it still makes me tear up. I recently also lost my cat Oreo (RIP Oreo – best sweetest outside cat ever), school has been hard and lots of money on tutors and life.
When life gets you down try to think of the positive. That’s what I try to do. It’s hard, I want to sometimes curl up in bed and just cry, or lay in a bubble bath, hold my breath under the water and just let it out. We sometimes have to let the pain out, the tears and the frustration roll out like a thunder storm and then I stop and I try to evaluate my life, I try to figure out what I can do to make things better. Think positive and hope that things turn around. Life is too short to always feel down, but sometimes we can’t help but to feel the way we feel. We don’t always expect the things in life to turn our world up side down. This year has been an emotional roller coaster like I said, but I have faith that things in life will get better. A little faith comes a long way…. Do you have faith?