The Question:
I dated this guy for 8 months who is a family friend. Our parents made us meet each other. He used me to make his ex jealous and also treated me in a way so that I would dump him after his purpose of making his ex jealous gets fulfilled. I was very serious about him and was unaware of his intentions until the very end. I broke up with him 2 months ago, now I know we will bump into each other often as our parents are friends with each other and they didn’t know about whatever happened between me and him.
I so wanna tell him I hate him so much for whatever he did to me. How can I give him this message? To be honest I am still not over him, but I don’t want him to feel that I miss him or anything.
Now that I know I will see him often, how should I react ? Should I ignore him completely or should I behave as if nothing ever happened? Also how can I make him feel that I hate him more than anything in this world?…
My Response:
Dear Used;
It is a hard position to be in and unfortunately this is why parents shouldn’t get involved in the love life of their children. Have your parents asked about your break up? I would be honest with them, talk to your mom or your dad whoever you are closest too, it’s good to let your feelings out and they should know that their friends son is an a** so that they don’t try to make you hang out with him. If it makes you feel better tell him how you feel, but after that move on. If you have to see him I wouldn’t ignore him completely that will only show that you still care and you don’t want that. Don’t try to become best friends with him either, what he did to you was wrong, and the least he can do is apologize to you. So if you do have to see each other just casually say hello and go on your way, keep yourself busy when he’s around, or ask to go to a friends house. I am not sure how old you are, that really changes things if I knew your age, but all in all, I say it doesn’t hurt to get your feelings out by telling him how you feel and letting him know what he did was wrong. Then move on, I know it hurts and you still have feelings for him but you deserve someone a lot better than someone who is only going to use you. You did right by breaking up with him.
xo
kristin nicole
UPDATE:
Yes your age does change, you are 22 not a teenager which makes it easier for you to pick up and go, there is no reason that if your parents are hanging out with their friends that you have to be around, unless it is a dinner you are invited to. If that is the case like I said be polite and say hello as if nothing is bothering you but don’t try to strike up a conversation with him. He’s around your age too I am assuming which makes this 10 times worse, he isn’t a child and he knew what he was doing was wrong. Unfortunately some men don’t know when to grow up and see something good that is right in front of them. You are still young and even though it hurts right now, you deserve a lot better. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and love you for you, not someone who is trying to play childish games. If he’s over your house, make an excuse to go out, start hanging out with your friends again and go out dancing. Start having some fun and forget about him, trust me he isn’t worth your time.
Good luck, if you need more advice don’t hesitate to write me a comment or email me.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
the one who was used says
hey Kristin..
I am the one who asked this question. and honestly ur advice does make me feel better and i think i got my answer 🙂 Thank you so much.
You wanted to know my age? I am 22. if that changes anything, could u let me know ?
Thanks again for your help. i really appreciate it.
Kristin says
Dear Used,
Yes your age does change, you are 22 not a teenager which makes it easier for you to pick up and go, there is no reason that if your parents are hanging out with their friends that you have to be around, unless it is a dinner you are invited to. If that is the case like I said be polite and say hello as if nothing is bothering you but don’t try to strike up a conversation with him. He’s around your age too I am assuming which makes this 10 times worse, he isn’t a child and he knew what he was doing was wrong. Unfortunately some men don’t know when to grow up and see something good that is right in front of them. You are still young and even though it hurts right now, you deserve a lot better. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and love you for you, not someone who is trying to play childish games. If he’s over your house, make an excuse to go out, start hanging out with your friends again and go out dancing. Start having some fun and forget about him, trust me he isn’t worth your time.
Good luck, if you need more advice don’t hesitate to write me a comment or email me.
xo,
kristin nicole
the one who was used says
Thanks Kristin,
I wish i knew about ur blog before..
and yes he is 24. i know i don’t have to hang out with my parents but the thing is we share the same religion, same cast,same mutual friends,so i bump into him at all the festivals ( i m hindu..we have festivals every now and then ), at all social gatherings, at temple. for 2 months after break up i decided not to attend any of these. but now it’s becoming hard for me to say ‘no’ to everyone and now is the time to face him.
i had one more question. why does it bother me that he is living his normal life after break up ? eg.movies,friends,his ex ( who is married to some other guy now btw),trips,fun. i want his life to be miserable without me. i want him to realise he is not gonna get a better girl than me ( which i think is true. you don’t me know me personaly. so there is no reason of me to exaggerate to u about me. i am starting my medschool, according to a lot of guys i m a combo of ‘cute,hot and pretty’. and i can’t be mean to anyone even if someone is mean to me) but now for the first time in my life, i want someone’s life to be miserable without me..:(
i know i am asking u prolly the same question. but i can’t help it. once again Thank you for al ur help.
You did a great thing by making “used one” feel that she worths a lot better than this. May god bless u and keep u away from all the troubles and sorrows and give u everything u want. 🙂
Kristin says
I wish you knew about my blog before too, but I am glad that I ran into your question and that I can help.
He is definitely old enough to know right from wrong, and now I understand more about your religion and why you see him more than most would see their ex’s. That changes a lot because I understand that you really have no choice but to see him around whether in church or outside of the home. (Goes to show that he hasn’t learned anything from your religion because I’m sure using people is not part of it), Definitely don’t hide and don’t stop doing the things you love with your friends because of him. It is going to be hard to see him and the reason you feel bothers you to see him happy and moving on is because you still care for him and you still resent him for what he did to you. It is natural to feel angry and to feel hurt and to want him to be miserable without him, the truth is though if he really didn’t care to even apologize to you after what he did, then he isn’t worth your time or energy. Don’t waste your energy on hating him or wanting him to feel miserable. Trust me karma is real and what goes around comes around. I am a true believer in karma. You are just starting life, continuing with your education to med-school and moving on, this will be great for you and you need someone who will be there for you and support you. I know it hurts now because of how the relationship ended but one day you will see how much happier you are without him. If you have to see him and hang out with him I STICK with my first advice of just being polite and saying hi to him as if you just don’t care, but don’t give him the satisfaction of giving him your time or attention. Let him figure out what he had he’s now lost forever. One day he will realize that, I guarantee it, he just might not ever admit it. Men are stubborn that way and many men don’t know how to say they were wrong. Stay strong, try to go to new places with your friends and I am not sure if you can hang out with others outside your religion but perhaps making new friends in med-school will also help and keep your mind off things. Can you date outside your religion?
xo,
kristin nicole
I tried emailing you back but it comes back to me.
the one who was used says
Thanks Kristin..
from today on, i will be a stronger person. 🙂 You will prolly see my happy posts on ur blog soon 🙂 All ur advices make me feel so much better 🙂
i tried emailing u too but with me too it came back..i am guessing some problem with my yahoo id :s
Once again Thank You..
and yes i can date outside of my religion…..so i am gonna talk to them and tell them whatever happened..( for their knowledge not to ruin their friendship)
Kristin says
I am glad that I can make you feel better. Remember being honest with your parents is always a good thing. Just because their friends son is a jerk doesn’t mean there friendship will go down, if they have been friends for this long I’m sure they will be okay, and just explain to your parents that you don’t want any issues with his family you just wanted them to know why you weren’t together and if they see you a bit stand offish with him the reasons why. As for being able to date outside your religion that’s great, more men out there to choose from 😉
You will find someone worth your time. Have faith and never give up hope. Remember with every bad, there is always good.
Regarding your email – that’s strange, check your settings to make sure you don’t have a specific block. Good luck, and if you need any advice I’m always here.
xo,
kristin nicole
the one who was used says
hey kristin..
i am the one who asked u this question….the guy who used me to make his ex jealous now wants to get back together..he told me he realised his mistakes now…i always wanted to hurt him for what he did to me..now he sends me roses, chocolates, other gifts etc…there is no way i am getting back together with him after what he did….
a strange thing is on one hand i want to hurt him ..and on the other hand i feel bad doing it..:( i thought i was over him..but now he is back and i don’t know what’s happening to me !