Me and my husband used to fight a lot! The first time I left him was because he got really nasty when we used to fight. I realized how much I loved him and asked him for another chance… eventually after long hours of tears we were back together again. It went great the first month, then we started fighting again. We knew we should have gone to a marriage counselor, but we never did! After I asked him the one night if he want me and his kid or his alcohol he said his alcohol. I know he just said it because he was mad at me, but I was so stubborn and I left him again. It’s been 6months now and I still love him with all my heart, and I know it could work if we just get some counseling. But I’m afraid he’ll ask me why I left him and why I suddenly love him again… I don’t want to give him wrong answers or screw this up. Please help me, I love him. He also spent our last money on alcohol, but he only buys alcohol on the weekend. He doesn’t need to drink everyday or every minute, but does this make him an alcoholic?
Dear confused wife;
If you felt compelled to leave him the first time, I am sure it was for a reason, just because you left doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love the person. However, if the relationship isn’t healthy and you are constantly fighting that isn’t good. If you truly wanted your marriage to work it isn’t only you that has to fight to make it work, it seems to me he isn’t fighting either. Counseling is a good beginning, if you truly want to try again that’s always an option. My opinion: If you feel that you need to try one more time then go for it, go to marriage counseling and try to make it work, but remember you aren’t the only person that needs to make the effort here so does your husband. Sometimes we fall in love with the image of what we think our marriage should be, we fall in love with the idea of happiness and what could be, but sometimes we need to step back and realize that sometimes love just isn’t enough, sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. If your husband is using the last of your money to buy alcohol don’t excuse him, it is a problem. Just because he doesn’t need it every day or minute it can be a problem. This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an alcoholic if he is only a social drinker, but there are responsibilities and if he’s using the money for your bills for alcohol then YES it is a problem. Sit down with your husband and talk to him like two mature adults, explain to him that you left because of the fighting and you weren’t happy but that it doesn’t mean that you don’t love him. Explain to him that he too needs to make an effort and if the two of you really want to try to make it work that you need to go into counseling. If he refuses, then there isn’t anything you can do. But really think about what you want, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you are constantly fighting with? With someone you aren’t happy with? Don’t look at what could be, and look at the NOW, Look at what your relationship is like now, and what it’s been like. Do you think that there is the slightest hope, that the two of you can change, that the two of you can be without all the fighting, and be happy? If you can, then go for it, if you can’t, then you have a lot of things to think about, and you need to make a big decision. Love sometimes just isn’t enough, we need more then that in a relationship. Good luck, keep me updated.
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