I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a 25yr old guy who works and lives about 1.5hours away from me. So it is similar to that of a long distance relationship, however on weekends he comes down here and stays at his parents which is 20 mins away.
Most of the time I try to go up once a week to visit him, I am a 20yr student without a job so I have a lot of spare time and can easily do that. Recently however I have been more busy then usual and I started to feel a little left out of my boyfriends life. He is a very social person, and most weekends when he comes down he has a lot of plans with friends. Sometimes he goes to things that I am not invited to, but in the same token I also attend friends birthday that he isn’t invited to either. However, I have felt increasingly left out and unappreciated. I feel as though I am convenient for him and that he doesn’t make me a priority.
I tried to be patient and have my own life, but sometimes I felt as though I would have to twist his arm to make plans with me. I’d usually spend 2 of the 3 nights he is here, with him. It started to really hurt me about a month ago, when I started to see other peoples relationship and the sacrifices they would make for their partners. I felt as though my partner didn’t compromise his social life to include me.
I spent most of this weekend with my friends and going out socializing. My boyfriend got quiet upset about this, cause he usually prefers me being at home with no plans then going out. I spent that time away from him to think and gain some perspective. I told him we needed to talk yesterday and he started to get concerned. I went over today and broke up with him because I felt we didn’t spend enough time together.
The thing is that I wanted to try make it work, but we had the same conversation before and I knew that I had to be strong and make a decision. However, it still hurts and I still want to be with me. I just know that it is not good enough anymore and it’s hurting me.
When I told him he was very devastated and just wanted to let me think about it. He said that he knew that spending time with me was always going to be difficult because he lives in another city, and he can’t see me as much as he would like to. At the same time I feel as though he should have tried harder. So, I had already decided in my mind that I needed to make a clean break and he recognized that he couldn’t convince me otherwise. Then he asked me if I had cheated on him on the weekend (which I said no, because I didn’t and couldn’t do that to him). Then he just said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how much he would miss me and how it as the worst thing that could happen. He just hugged me while I cried, then I had to go before it got too difficult. He tried to kiss me and said he call me tomorrow, but I told him not to contact me again.
He still wants to talk about it, but I really don’t think he can change. I feel as though I want to be with him still, but I know that it would hurt me. I think I did the right thing, although I still have such strong feelings for him. I am not sure what to feel or think, I just feel shocked and broken. And I know I will question whether this was the right thing to do. What to you guys think?
Dear long distance;
First off you both should be doing things together when he goes down to visit, what is this that you aren’t invited, or he wasn’t invited BS?!? You are a couple and couples do things together, you don’t need to be invited to know you should automatically be invited because you are the other persons boyfriend or girlfriend. Any type of long distance is going to be hard and take a lot of work. An hour and a half isn’t that bad if you truly want to make things work, life does get busy and no one said it would be easy but it’s possible. If he’s going out with only his friends when he comes to visit and expects you to stay home, that isn’t right. Why should you have to stay home if he isn’t inviting you to hang out with him on the weekends. You are still young but you need someone that is going to want to be with you all the time, especially in this situation that he doesn’t see you very often. If you were the best girlfriend he’s ever had (as he puts it) then why wasn’t he spending the time with you instead of going around hanging out with his friends and not even inviting you?
I think you did the right thing. If you aren’t happy and you have had this conversation with him before and nothing has changed then it’s more than likely it will never change. You deserve someone better. I know it hurts now, and you wish you could be with him, but if he really cared for you or loved you, this wouldn’t have even been an issue. He wants to still talk about it, because men/women want what they can’t have. He didn’t think you would actually break up with him, so now he doesn’t know what to do. Move on, and find yourself a real man! You can do much better.
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