Two years ago when I was 16 my (current) boyfriend messed around and starting going out with this girl, I only found this out through one of his friends as he refused to talk to me apart from the occasional ‘**** off’ etc. Obviously I was upset by this and a few days later he left her and said we could get back together, I was angry/upset at him still and I guess I wanted him to feel bad for what he’d done so I told him I’d slept with someone else after he’d left me (I hadn’t – I was a virgin), not thinking about the consequences, being that young. I shamefully pretended I’d gone to the doctors and they’d told me I was pregnant and I said I’d had one of those pills that flushes out all of the fetus etc. Immediately after I lied I completely regretted it, I’d just wanted to upset him for upsetting me and it got out of hand. 2 years later, we’re still together but I feel so guilty for lying to him I don’t know what to do. If I told him the truth I’m sure he’d break up with me and I wouldn’t blame him at all, but I don’t want to lose him. I know what I’ve done is wrong so please don’t lecture me. Any advice?
Two years is a long time to keep such a horrible lie to yourself. I understand you were young, but how young were you that you didn’t realize that the lie you were telling would cost you in the long run? This is something to never lie about and I’m sure you know that now, so I’m not going to go on about that, however, like I said two years is a long time. I know you are scared that your boyfriend might break up with you if he knows you lied to him, but if he was willing to forgive you for the lie, I’m sure he’ll feel better knowing that what you had told him wasn’t even true. Sure he might be upset with you that you lied and that it hurt him, but he wasn’t angel in all of this either. I’m not saying that made what you told him right, but honestly you should have never even taken him back after he cheated on you. Trust is a very valuable thing in a relationship, and without it there really isn’t a relationship to begin with. You have to have respect for yourself and know that you are better than that, that you are worth much more than second best. When a man cheats on you, you are only putting yourself down by going back with them, believing that you can’t get any better or just settling because you think this is love. What you did wasn’t any better, lying about being pregnant by another man and getting it terminated is a huge lie. You lied and now you have to live with it.
You know that saying, “You made your bed, now lie in it”. That’s exactly what you are going to have to do. If you don’t confess the truth to your boyfriend you can try to live with this lie forever, but eventually it will eat at you because the guilt is what is killing you inside. Be honest for the first time with each other, and explain to him what you explained to us. You were young and hurt and even though that is not an excuse you lied about this to hurt him. You are sorry but you can’t take it back and you just want him to understand what you did was wrong and that you want to be honest with him and hope that you can move past this together. Good luck
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