I am 30 , and my mother and I always had issues. I cannot tell her anything because it will always be my fault (like the separation form me and my husband) I moved back for a few months and then worked on my marriage again.)..She says the meanest things (I wish I never had you, your such a waste, just cause I am your mother does not mean I have to love you, if you date someone else I will punch you in the face..and on and on and on) I have stopped telling her details or anything because she is just an mean and very spiteful. I guess she figured out I was coming back (through my brothers) and she called me and told me I am not welcome in her home and so on (I already found an apartment elsewhere for the 1st of July, ) But I have never done anything for her to treat me like this..My father and I always had a good relationship (he died last year) and she always says such mean things about him too (he stayed married to her and they lived together. I still don’t know how he did it.) She drinks mornings and night…it is horrible…I know I am 30 and I should be over this, why can I not just forget her and why does what she says still bother me??
She said she had a hard life so she can have as many drinks as she likes (its her excuses after I told her about her drinking)…any adivce? I have 2 brothers and she is never like this to them..ever?
I live about 2 hours away from her…Please Help.
Dear Emotionally Abused;
I do not know what you are going through, but I have had friends who have been adopted, I have had friends that their mothers aren’t there, etc. I know that just because she is your blood mother doesn’t mean she is a good mother, and everything you just said is abusive. You have an emotional abusive relationship with your mother and your mother is an alcoholic. She needs help!!! My friend who was adopted her real mother was an alcoholic and drug user, and her adopted mom, took her in when she was a baby, this woman (not blood related) as been the most wonderful mother she could have ever asked for. You do NOT need to be blood related to be a mother. You said she doesn’t treat your brothers this way, do they ever try to help her go to AA or help the relationship you two have? Maybe if she listens to them, they can get her to get the help she needs. I am sorry about your father, it is never easy loosing someone you are close to. I do not know how your father stayed with her for so many years either, but I do not know the entire story either. However, if your relationship with your mother has always been abusive, then you need to get help, you need a way to forgive her for all the bad things she tells you. You have to know that what she tells you isn’t true, that you are a good person and that you deserve better than this. If your mother doesn’t want to get help and she continues to bad mouth you, you have to make a choice. I am not saying it is going to be easy but you need to choose to either stay in your mothers life and take the abuse or stay away. I know it isn’t easy and this isn’t something anyone should have to choose but if she is emotionally abusing you, it isn’t worth your life! You deserve better, you deserve for a mother to be proud of you and be there for you. You are 30 years old and it is time to stand up and make a choice. Live your life, and find a way to forgive and move on.
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