Dear Kristin Nicole;
I moved to Pgh to finish my degree and I started looking for someone of the fairer sex when I arrived. I used an online dating site, and I made contact with a wonderful girl. We e-mailed and talked on the phone, eventually had a first date that went well. The next few nights after our first date, we hung out and it was wonderful. I think we’re incredibly different, but its really nice. She’s a post-grad law student and I’m trying to bag an AS in Air Traffic Control and I have no major interest in going too much further, I’m more about building my pilot resume than additional degrees. I’m more of an outdoor kid and she’s not as much. I have some type of free time, and try to have as much free time as possible, and she doesn’t. This is one of the reasons I’m writing, I am also writing to seek advise on what I can do to make us “exclusive”.
When I initially looked at her profile, one of the comments on the page referenced her insane schedule and how someone would have to be okay with that, but that she would make time for the right person. I was cool with that, my schedule is crazy as well, but hers is unbearable. I understand the need to succeed and for professional development, but I don’t get the insane extra things she takes on. Also, I hate hearing about the most recent additional undertaking, as that’s even less time I’ll have to spend with her. The few hours a week is hard enough, I’m used to more. How do I get used to this, or express my feelings about this without sounding like a complete jerk? I want her to do well and go far, even if we don’t, so I am not completely against it all. I just want to tell her that I kinda need more time with her, without making her feel guilty, overwhelmed, or bitter for entering the relationship.
My second question involves the status of our relationship. I’m not a huge dater, never been that great with the ladies, and you know this seeing as we used to hang in SD, so I’m not juggling dates that often or trying to make a decision on who I should go out with. After the first date, the second was a movie and make out date at my apartment the next night, and the following night she had me over to a BBQ with some of her best friends. I was nervous about the meeting of the friends, as sometimes they are more judgmental than when you meet the father for the first time. Things went well and we talk everyday, and I assumed we were a step above dating, but not too much more than that. I was talking to a close friend a few days later and our topic of conversation got me thinking about what our status was. I asked, and while we were chatting about it, I found out she was still visiting the site we met from and was currently online. After the third date, I shut my profile off, as I felt it would be the more honest thing to do. Her answer to the what is our status was dating, but she isn’t seeing anyone else. How do I make this go to exclusive? She wants to take things slow, as time is at a minimum, but I can be slow exclusively! I didn’t mention anything about the activity on the dating site, should I? What is my best course of action here, I’m so damn lost.
What do you think? I know I already said it once, but I really like her, but I’m not sure how to proceed. I could walk away, find someone that had time to spend and go on, but I don’t want to always wonder. At the same time, I don’t want to wait forever for something that’s not going to happen. I’m trying my best to stay optimistic, but its hard sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Dear Speak Up;
I’m so happy that you have found someone you like, however, your schedules seem very busy and sometimes unfortunately we meet people at the wrong times in our lives. Don’t take this has a bad thing though, sometimes it works out. Just be honest with her. Take her out on a date and tell her how you feel, tell her that you want to take things slow but that you want to make things exclusive (I know it sounds corny) but ask her to be your girlfriend. I’m an old fashion kind of girl when it comes to that and I think it’s cute and sexy all at the same time for a man to be able just ask for what he wants. Don’t be out right front with her and demand she spend more time with you, explain to her that you understand you both have busy schedules but that you really would love to see her more often and then go from there. (I wouldn’t mention her status on the dating site until you are officially exclusive). If you really like her and want a relationship with her then go for it, you’ll never know if it will work out if you don’t try. If in the end it’s just too hard because of your schedules and different lives then the best thing to do after that is move on. If you guys are totally different and you are just physically attracted to her then maybe it’s best to move on now. I mean you are an out door kind of guy, don’t you want a women that loves the out doors just as much as you so that you can have adventures together? And even though she’s not an out door kind of girl you can always try to see if she’s willing to try. I never listened to certain music until I got with my boyfriend, sometimes we change what we thought we didn’t like into something we actually enjoy for the people we love. (You guys aren’t quiet at the love part yet) but if she really likes you and wants to try to take it to the next level with you then maybe she’ll be willing to try some outdoor activities. If you met her friends already and she’s hanging out with you when she can then this is a good sign that she does like you, so if you don’t want to have your relationship status up in the air, talk to her and be honest with how you feel. Tell her you want to take things slow but that you want to make it official….If she’s not ready for that then move on before your feelings get more involved. You are a great guy, you just have to have a little more confidence in yourself, life’s too short to keep holding in all those feelings, let them out and tell her how you feel.