So I am 21 years old and have been with a guy for almost 2 years that makes me incredibly happy…I’ve been studying overseas for the past few months and he had decided about a month before i left that it would be easier to go into the distance as friends and focus on our lives as individuals…after being here, i agree, however it has made me feel very insecure about what’s to come in our relationship because there is no title…i have been traveling like crazy, and the only means of him contacting me is IM or email. I call him from skype, but he can’t call the number back so our communication means are very limited… I still love him to death and know I want to give us a shot when i get home in a few months but can’t tell whether I should read in between the lines with his responses, or if he truly is being sincere…i expressed to him my feelings and that i felt as if we were growing distant and he explained that of course he loves me and of course he cares about me and assured me that the only reason our communication is dwindling is because I have been gone and he assumed that when i got back from my trips that I’d give him a call…and then the next day he sent me a cute little email and signed it with “love”, so it doesn’t seem as if hes ignoring me, but i feel like he almost doesn’t quite get why I’m feeling the confusion I’m feeling b/c he’s in the same comfortable environment that he’s always been in and is constantly being reassured by me that i love him…is it right for me to get upset that there’s not an email waiting for me when i get back from my trips, or that he doesn’t constantly reach out to me? its realy hard because i have to call him and if he misses the call he can’t simply call me back..he can email me or IM me if I’m online, but because in this situation, the phone only works one way, i find myself reaching out to him by calling him more than he is reaching out to me… i have friends that are in the same situation and tell me that their boyfriends are constantly writing them emails, but that’s not the case for me. I’m very confused on if he’s just kind of taking things easy until i get home or if he’s distancing himself from me because I’m supposed to be catching some hint that its over between me and him? and if that’s the case then why would he still tell me he loves me and wants to see what happens with us when i get back? I’m really confused I need a girls and guys opinion please…
Dear long distance;
First things first, you both decided to not be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore and live your individual lives, so you can’t expect him to be writing or trying to contact you all the time, he’s doing what you both agreed on “living your separate lives”. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you anymore or that he doesn’t love you anymore, he has obviously reached out and told you that he still cares, and that you’ll see if you take off where you left off when you come back home. My only concern with this, how long were you going over seas for? Why the breakup? If you are only going to be gone for a few months, I don’t understand why you two would break up instead of him just waiting for you to return. If you are going to be gone longer then a year, then perhaps he wanted to date other girls, which is something you have to think of and prepare yourself for. He’s a man, and men only think of one thing sometimes. The next time you get to talk to him on the phone reach out to him and ask him what is going to happen between the two of you, because you can’t keep waiting around for his calls, or emails hoping that when you return he’ll be there waiting for you to become boyfriend and girlfriend again if that isn’t going to happen. I know it’s hard and long distance relationships are very hard, but don’t compare your situation with your friends, your friends are receiving emails and IMs from there “still” boyfriends. Yours is only a friend right now (you decided that before you left remember). Take it easy be positive and if he really does love you, he’ll be waiting for you to get back home, if he’s not waiting, as much as it will hurt, it just wasn’t meant to be, and you deserve someone who will wait for you longer then just a few months, someone who will love you enough to try and make things work.
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