I’m having sex problems with my fiance’, please help!?

The-Question:

My fiance’ and I get along great and in my opinion are very attracted to one another physically. The problem is that, during intercourse he comes quick. I’m talking 5-8 minutes! In the beginning it was not a big issue because he told me my body was just too good and he needs to get use to it. He does bring me to orgasm orally before sex, but like I said, “sometimes.”

I have told him before that it bothers me and that I want to be pleased every time and his response was, “girls don’t need to *** every time” in a playful voice. I got pissed. I was so upset with him I called him selfish, inconsiderate, typical man…etc. He said what do you want me to do? Give you oral all the time? The way he asked made it seem like that was a bad thing as if he didn’t want to do it. We will have sex and in the middle he will stop to prevent himself from coming but I told him that just makes my arousal go down and now we have to start all over. I even give him oral before sex so that he can last longer but once he comes he’s tired and says his body can’t physically have sex. I even tell him sometimes before sex be prepared to go more than one round. Sometimes he does, but he still cums fast, and other times like last night he doesn’t even try to go again, he says he’s too tired. It gets to the point were I’m so angry I start throwing cheap shots or I make him leave the bed. Everything I have tried hasn’t worked.

I read articles and books about teaching him how to please my body. I even tried to guide his hands to my sensitive spots and he’s groused out about touching my vagina. He doesn’t like the way that it feels and mentioned when he gives me oral he just closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look. He quoted, “p***ies are ugly! I know what your thinking, how could I be with such a jerk? Besides the bedroom we have a really good relationship but our bedroom problems are now starting to effect my mood and how I feel about him as a whole. The reason I am so frustrated is because he has given me vaginal orgasms but only about 4 out of the hundredths of times we’ve had sex. I need for him to understand how important it is for me to have an orgasm too. We’re not trying to have kids so if we have sex it has to be enjoyable for both of us, if not why bother. I told him we’re going to have good sex or no sex. The reason why I am writing is because I am afraid that our sex problems will cause me to go astray. Not blaming or saying it is okay to cheat if your sex life with your partner is okay. But I must admit it has crossed my mind… Please Help….

My Response:

Dear Unsatisfied;

Some men just can’t last long, and some can. Your man might be one of the few that can’t last long. This doesn’t mean he can’t please you in other ways… Sorry to say this, but he said “Vagina’s are ugly”. He actually said that??? He closes his eyes when he goes down on you, and that they are gross…. Okay this may be harsh to hear, but either your man is in the closet or he’s completely clueless. I am not sure how old you guys are, but this just doesn’t sound like a “GUYS’ GUY”. Most men like to please their women and give them oral sex, (yes not all the time), but they enjoy watching their women squirm for more. A man also NEVER and I mean NEVER says a vagina is “ugly” and or doesn’t like to touch it.

Sex is a big part of a relationship; and if he is not satisfying your needs, don’t resort to cheating either talk it out and if things can’t change then you have a choice to make here. I understand the rest of your relationship is good, but this will definitely cause problems in the long run, and you don’t want to spend your time wasted on a man that can’t satisfy you. It sounds to me like you already tried helping him out and giving him hints as to what you like, and it seems to me like he isn’t getting it. Either live with the fact that he can’t satisfy you every time or move on and find a man that will. A man who is attentive in bed is a man you want around for a long time, a man who doesn’t care and calls your vagina “ugly”, feels it’s gross and doesn’t like touching it, is a man you have to truly question?!!

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

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