I am 26 and engaged to my fiance who I have been with since I was 19 years old, (engaged for 2yrs). We have a 2 year old daughter and I had our second child, a son, the started off this year with a really bad liver. We both started fighting as our son couldn’t leave the hospital and I would turn on him for the littlest things, he would always tell me how much he loves me & how he needs us, he grew up in a hard upbringing and I grew up with hard working parents. After one of our arguments he left our house in a temper & got arrested for aggravated assault, He is serving 15 years and is up for parole in 2. I felt like my world was coming down on me. My son died 6 weeks ago and I went to see my fiance & I blamed him for his death & for not being here for me and his daughter. He just looked at me and said that he knows I don’t mean that, that I just need someone to blame and that he loves me. His mom said he is distraught he has been put on anti-depressants, he always told her how much he loved me, the thing is, he is his own worst enemy, and he reacts before he thinks. He told me last week that he knows its selfish of him but he wants me to wait for him as he cant stand the thought of me being with somebody else. I don’t know deep down if I can deal with knowing the man I love & want to marry will be in prison for that amount of time. I have a really good job that keeps me busy but my mind always goes back to thinking about it, Any advice would be great
It is a hard decision to make. On one hand he wasn’t there for you while your son died and that’s the time you needed him the most. He may only be in Jail for 2 years but the choice that you have to make here is one (can you wait for him for 2 years or more) and two (he’s actually going to prison, is this the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with) a man who can not control his temper, a man who runs from his problems when things get hard? Granted you said you got upset at him a lot and sometimes that happens with couples who are going through hard times, especially in the situation that you were in, you have to realize that this wasn’t easy for him either and he too lost a son. A lot of girlfriends/fiance/wives wait for their men to get out of jail (depending of course on what they did). If you really love him and this is the one person you truly want to spend your life with, then wait, but if you are blaming him for your son’s death, that is something you truly need to get passed before being with him. Your son was sick and it was not your fiance’s fault, however I understand being angry at him for not being there with you during this time. He definitely should have at least been there with you guys. No one can really tell you what to do here, you have to first forgive him in order to move forward with him and you have to then truly decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still young and you have choices in life, sit back and take a look at everything that has happened, maybe even write down on a paper all the good things about him and all the bad and weigh them out, if at the end you just know you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then it’s your choice to wait for him, but remember he’s up for parole in 2 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean he will be out in 2 years (can you wait that long)? And most importantly can you forgive him for not being there with you when your son passed away? I am truly sorry for your loss.
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