Blaming yourself is NEVER the answer!
The Question:
Despite the fact I was being emotionally & financially abused in my marriage. My ex neither loved me nor his child. I sometime end up blaming myself for what has happened. Because sometimes I raised my voice against his abuse and his mother’s insults. I sometimes wonder if I had kept my mouth shut and would have just put up with his & his mother’s verbal abuse towards me and my new born baby I would have still been married to him. Why do I feel that he got fed up with me because I replied back to him at times & complained to him against the verbal / emotional & financial abuse I was being subjected to ?
How do I get rid of these feelings ? Did I deserve this ?
Additional Details
How can you respect someone who is abusing you on regular basis ? And someone who does not want to realize and fulfill your rights as a wife but wants you to fulfill all his rights as a husband ?
My Response:
Dear Emotionally Abused Wife;
Why are you going back and forth with this, why are you asking questions you probably already know the answers to? Honestly if your husband left you, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to you. You talk about his emotional abuse and his mother’s verbal abuse towards you, yet you stuck it out why?? No one should have to endure any kind of abuse, and your baby was being subjected to this kind of abuse. This is not an environment to grow around in. If his mother was verbally abusive to you and he never stood up for you, what does that say about the kind of man he was? He turned around and continued the abuse because it is what he was taught, however; that does not make it better and it does not make it right for him to have treated you the way he did. You raising your voice, fighting for yourself when no one else would is NOT wrong, stop thinking that you are the one that did something wrong and just face the fact that your husband was a jerk! STOP Blaming yourself! Trust me, there are plenty of other guys out there that will treat you a whole lot better than your husband and his mother did. I can not tell you how to get rid of your feelings, this is something that will heal with time, however I can tell you that the first step is to get rid of your guilt. Feeling that you were the one that did something wrong, when it is clear it wasn’t you. No one deserves this kind of abuse, and do not ever think that you did something “wrong” to deserve the way they treated you. You do not Respect someone who is abusing you on a regular basis, because they are obviously not respecting you or loving you. You have to learn to respect yourself first, and then realize when someone is actually respecting you or not, and when that person respects you, that is when you respect that person back. A person who only wants to take, take, take like your husband did is not worthy of your love or anyone’s love for that matter. A relationship is not based on TAKE only, it is a hard working job of GIVE & TAKE! Do not ever settle for less because you feel you are not worthy of it, or that you feel that maybe you were the one doing something wrong when deep down you know they were emotionally abusing you in more ways than one, and it was not your fault by any means that they treated you this way. It is better for your baby and you to live in a home of peace, where your child is not subjected to this kind of abuse, and he/she doesn’t grow up thinking it is okay to treat other people this way.
I hope that you gain the strength to move on, and move forward with your life. Change your ways and start respecting yourself. No one should ever receive emotional abuse and think it’s their own fault. We live in a world where sometimes we aren’t taught right from wrong, what your husband and mother in law where doing, was just plain WRONG!
You can always try joining a spouse abuse support group in your area, talking about the abuse with other women who have gone through what you have gone through sometimes helps open your eyes.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
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