My husband and I were separated for 3 years because of alcohol and prescription drug addiction. It sadly caught up with him and last week he died. We had a good relationship towards the end and the girls (10,12) got on well with him. This was after a couple of years of abusive phone calls, barring orders etc. Now since he’s died I keep expecting to see him, I’m so afraid of being on my own, and yes I do feel stupid saying this , but yet when I go up my stairs at night my heart is beating and I’m taking antihistamines that I know make me groggy to sleep! my sister thinks I have survivors guilt but all I know is that I’m a person who doesn’t believe in an afterlife or ghosts or anything like that but I’m still scared all the time, has anyone felt this? I know I’m rearing my girls in a way that I know he would approve of, I don’t have another man in my life, why do I feel this way?? Sorry for the long thread , thanks in advance for any help.
I think you may feel guilty for not being able to help him sooner, maybe guilty you left and didn’t stay longer to help him, seeing that you ended up getting along so well in the end. You need to let that go, it is not your fault that he was addicted to alcohol or drugs and he chose that life. You had to separate for him to get better, and it was great that he was doing so good in the end, but unfortunately it was just too late. It is hard to not be able to talk or see him everyday like you had been accustomed to for so long, but it will get easier as time goes by. You need to be strong for your girls now and keep doing what you have been doing this entire time that he wasn’t there (and was there) being a great mother to your girls. You have to let go whatever it is you are holding inside you and until you do that, you won’t stop feeling the anxious feeling you feel when going up stairs to bed, or thinking about your ex husband. However, things happen for a reason, and although we don’t always know the reasons behind what happens in our lives, we have to learn from them and grow from them. There is a lesson here to be learned, look back and look at your future and you are the only one that will know what everything means. Stay strong and forgive him for the pain he’s caused you in the past and forgive him for passing away (for in the end he was trying to make things right). Time heals all wounds (even if you don’t see that now).
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