Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me

 

The Question: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me. What should I do?

My ex and I broke up mutually over a week ago. We agreed that we both aren’t ready, he did not have a reason why but mine was mainly because of studies (LLB). On the day we agreed to end us, he stated that he didn’t love me anymore then stated that he did and tried to make up excuses to end us. We agreed to continue being there for each other. 

After a recent 3 hour phone call which he initiated, he said he is surrounded by hot chicks; smoking weed everyday and has gone back to taking pain killers to help him not to feel. He also stated that he has no opinion on us anymore. He also sounded as though he does not care and contradicted himself a lot. I told him that he does not know what he wants but he disagrees and says he wants someone controlling. 

Before me, he was single for 3 years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. He was in a gang and used drugs. I accepted him fully and love him without judging him based on his past. 🙂 

Ever since our relationship started he always said he feels he doesn’t deserve me and doesn’t understand how I can be as understanding as I am. During our relationship he also tried to end us 3 times. I always tried to uplift him and still love him despite him seeing himself as not deserving happiness. He didn’t believe he made me happy when he really did. 

Now, I have insomnia; no appetite; I’m emotional and confused. 

I haven’t contacted him after the call. 

Advice needed.

~Ex in Pain

My Response:

Dear Ex in Pain;

It sounds like your ex has emotional problems that derive way beyond your relationship. He needs professional help to see what is causing him to feel the way he’s feeling. Does he have a family member you can reach out to? Perhaps talk to them and see if they can help him.

It’s probably best you two ended things, you need someone who is stable and happy and can make you happy in return. You sound like such a sweet and caring person, but it’s not your job to take care of him anymore. If you are having problems sleeping and have loss of appetite, it can be from the stress of your break up, mixed with whatever is going on in your life right now.

Try to take things easy, try to focus on you and your studies. Don’t lose focus on you. You have to accept when someone doesn’t want help, it’s not easy and it doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to help him, but you cannot control his actions and/or his emotions. All you can do is let him know, that you will be there for him, if he needs you. And like I said before; try reaching out to someone that can help him. Life is too short, remember to take things easy, take a deep breath and focus on you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com