A friend of mine who was/is/sort of dating this guy has social anxiety. Now I say was/is/sort of because it’s an on and off relationship, and I just don’t know where they stand right now. So back to the story, my friend can’t even be out in a restaurant with him before he starts asking for the check. He doesn’t like to hang out with her friends, only the 2 friends he has. They don’t go out & they spend all their time in his room. Is this a relationship?
What is social anxiety disorder?
Most people occasionally feel the familiar signs of nervousness when meeting new people or speaking in front of a group. But for people with social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, these signs of nervousness are much worse. Their fear of everyday social situations makes it very difficult for them to function on a daily basis. Social anxiety disorder affects about 10.5 million Americans in any given year. Social anxiety disorder occurs more often in women than in men.
But in this case it’s the male who is suffering from Social Anxiety. Now is it really social anxiety he has? Or is it something deeper, something else that is causing him to not even hang out with her friends. He has only been able to go to one of her friends house, and even there he is begging to leave and gets mad because he says they make him feel unwanted. What is this about? Get a grip I would say! Man up! What is your problem??? But what if his problem really is Social Anxiety? Can she live with this? I am one of her closest friends and I’m still waiting to meet the guy. It’s been over 6 months~!?
She hasn’t been happy in a long time, and they have nothing in common but watching shows on t.v. That isn’t a relationship. And yet she holds on to only reasons she knows. I can’t utterly understand the concept of staying in a relationship you aren’t happy in. Okay I take that back, I was in a relationship I wasn’t happy in. But to my defense I really wanted to be happy! Okay, so that’s how most of us women think! Even though we tell our girlfriends and deep down know that we aren’t happy, we still somehow come up with all these reasons to stay in a relationship, even though it’s tearing you apart inside.
Why do we do this? I guess a lot of us want to help that person (if they do have a problem such as social anxiety), or your don’t want to be alone, or you believe that you are so in love that you can’t find someone better, and some of us (no offense) are just stupid. Hey I was STUPID! DUMB, YOU name it, THAT WAS ME! But I opened my eyes and I realized that you cannot change or help a person that doesn’t want to be helped. And you cannot hope to be happy, you either are or you aren’t.
Make a Change
Put yourself first for once and do what is right for you. Don’t be scared to hurt the other person. In the long wrong they will see it too, that you are only doing what is right for the both of you. Why does he/she want to be with someone that doesn’t love them? And why do you want to stay with someone you don’t love? Move on!
Back to my friend…Giving her my advice I would say. You are beautiful, smart, fun, don’t settle, find someone you love and that loves you back and that will be willing to do things you like. (Hanging out w/ your friends, going to the movies, dinner). Don’t settle because you have had some crummy relationships and he seems nice. Nice sometimes isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. You need more than nice! You need love, laughter, trust. That’s another issue in itself TRUST! (He goes through her text messages). Then he confronts her on her text messages. (wow). So friend, the road is tough, and the journey’s are hard, but keep on moving because you’ll pull through stronger than ever and you will one day, I PROMISE find that man that will truly make you happy! (And that advice is to all women/or men out there who think they can’t find anyone better than the person they are with now). Trust me you can! I let go of the unhappiness and now I FOUND what is real. I found love and I couldn’t thank god anymore than I already do for giving me the strength to finally let go and move on. So be strong, and move one from that rut you say you can’t possibly get out of. Because I KNOW YOU CAN! & YOU WILL.
The strength of the heart comes from the soundness of the faith. – Saudi Arabian Proverb
XO, Kristin Nicole
If you want to learn more about Social Anxiety and get books etc. Go to: Socialphobia.org.