The Question:
My wife and I only have sex once a month or so…..?
But I need to have an orgasm 2-3 times a week……..I am getting very frustrated but she refuses to talk. Just lately I am getting tempted to find an alternative solution…But I don’t want to have an affair……Has anyone managed to solve a similar problem…(a partner who isn’t very interested in sex/sexuality and can’t talk about personal things!). By the way, she refuses counseling (before you say ‘Relate’!!).
My Response:
Dear Frustrated;
The other alternative is always playing with yourself. I understand it still isn’t the same, but it definitely beats cheating on your wife. You need to communicate with her, see why she isn’t wanting to have sex but only once a month. Maybe she is really stressed out about something, or something deeper is lying in the reasons for not wanting to be intimate with her husband. Nip this now though, I am assuming you guys aren’t that old to already be giving up on sex. Try to spice things up and make things romantic, maybe this will get her in the mood. I understand being tired, or not being in the mood, but ONCE A MONTH! That is unacceptable, sex with your husband or boyfriend is very important, it is a big part of a relationship, and if you aren’t happy, this is something she needs to understand. You said she doesn’t want counseling, maybe you need to wake her up by telling her how you feel, that you feel like finding other alternatives, I know it’s harsh but why wouldn’t she want to be intimate with her husband a little more than just once a month? Talk to her again, and try to spice up the love life, maybe that will help a little. Good luck!
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
Thanks Kirstin…always helpful to have others viewpoint. Its too long and complex to deal with quickly but I have tried virtually everything I can I think.
The alternative that I was thinking of was to find a kind of long term friend who wants to exchange erotic communications…but I don’t want an affair (of the heart or the flesh)…
JP,
I do not think that is a good idea either. I do believe that sex is a big factor in any relationship, if you still love her, you need to talk to her and tell her how you are feeling, if that still doesn’t work, you may have to think about separation. If you aren’t happy, do not stay in a marriage just because, you need to decide what to do, but you need to try and make it first before you go and do something you may later regret.
xo,
kristin nicole
That sounds wise Kirstin…except that I have tried everything (talking, emailing her, letters). The only thing we haven’t tried is counselling but she refuses…..But we have 4 children and I do love her. I will not have an affair but…I need more, something anyway…
JP,
Then you need to scare her, do something for her to realize that what you need and what you are saying is serious. You have four kids together, and I understand you love her, but do not stay in a marriage because of the kids, trust me kids sense everything and if you aren’t happy then it isn’t worth staying in a relationship. Unfortunately love is complicated and sometimes love just isn’t enough to stay with someone. I do not want to be a downer, but I am being realistic, you have tried everything you can think of and she refuses counseling, it’s up to her to save this marriage, but you may have to give her an ultimatum, you cannot live like that, no one can! Life is too short, and we all need our needs satisfied. I am happy that you are not considering an affair, that shows to me and I’m sure to many other people what a good man you are. Think about yourself for a while though, can you live like this forever? When your kids grow up and move on, you would have lived this way for what?
xo
kristin nicole
JP,
I hear where you’re coming from. It’s tempting to want to cheat but it’s better to not to.
One thing to consider, is perhaps her hormones are imbalanced? Has she had a complete medical checkup? Point the lack of sexual desire out to the doctor next time you see him/her.
Good luck,
-Tony