Marriage before Sex

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.

I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:

First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!

Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.

The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.

What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
(Revised by: Kristin Nicole)

~ Marriage before Sex

My Response:

Dear Marriage before Sex;

I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.

xo,
kristin nicole