Me and my wife dated 7 months, got married, and now we are almost married a full year. We almost got divorced 2 different times, one was a week ago. She has a bad emotional past (family divorces, alcoholism in two fathers) and we don’t share much in common, we were attracted to each other sexually very much, and developed a friendship and evolved into love. Lately it hasn’t been good, past few months have been crappy. When it gets good though, I always seem to wish she would be this girl I have in my head, who wears dresses all the time and is extremely feminine and sweet. My wife never wears dresses (it sucks!) and is more “country” than “feminine city girl”. I knew this going in, but now I just wish she would be like that. What do I do? Is there a real girl out there to fulfill this need of mine or maybe just stick with my wife, who I have a relationship with and shared many memories with? I just don’t wanna miss out on anything in life. Sometimes it sucks because I like video games and good movies and she hates games and likes one type of movie. Also she always seems too “sick” or “hurt” to do anything or go anywhere fun. She is on meds for Arthritis and a couple other things. (we are both 22 years old). She also has self esteem issues, she is codependent on others too. I wish she was independent. She has had many jobs but quite them all for various reasons. any advice?
Dear Too Young;
It sounds to me like you got into this marriage way too fast. If you love her, try talking to her about how you feel, try perhaps marriage counseling. If you are staying with her just because you feel bad and you aren’t truly in love with her then maybe the best thing to do is go your separate ways. You are both very young and you have so much left to do in your life. If you don’t have any kids this is the easiest divorce that you can have, just split what you have and move on. There are many other women out there that you can have more in common with, next time though, don’t get married so quickly and really get to know the person you are with. No one is ever going to like the same things 100% of the time, but each person has to be willing to try and do the things their partner likes. If you love your wife, try talking to her first, maybe she would be willing to wear dresses more often and watch a different type of movie every now and then, if she really isn’t willing to try and you just aren’t in love with her anymore then you have a decision to make.
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