Advice Column: My wife pays for everything

Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…

The Question:

I need help with my wife. Please tell me what to do! My wife pays for everything  but I still think she is selfish…

My wife says I’m selfish. She makes 90% of our income. With her income alone she paid off the house, 2 of my credit cards and saved for college for our 4 year old. The company she works for gave her a car, but now she wants to buy a new car because she say’s she can only use the work car for work related things. She wants a Lexus and she wants to put down a 70% down payment because my wife doesn’t like to owe money to the banks. I told her that’s selfish, she can get the whole thing financed for the full amount. I told her she shouldn’t put any cash down! She told me you are not smart when it comes to money so please let me handle it. I’m in the Air Force, she got me a high paying job with her company, but I said no and just renewed my contract with the Air Force because my job now is easier than her job. The company she works for has a lot of over time and it is stressful, while my job in the Air Force is not stressful at all and I never got deployed. [sic]. I told her with that amount of cash you are putting down for your car how about you pay for my credit cards, she said you had these credit cards before we got married and I already paid off 2 credit cards for you. She keeps telling me, “you do not want to better yourself, you are lazy and you are not a real man and you count on me to do everything.” She also put a down payment to help me buy a car for my daughter from my first marriage who will be 16 in 2 months who lives with her mom. I just think my wife is being selfish. Well the house and everything is in her name because my credit sucks and my ex wife messed up my credit. Please help! My wife does not listen to what I say. She is 25 I’m 36.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Selfish;

Okay let me get this straight, your wife pays for pretty much everything, she makes more money, she paid off 2 of your credit cards, a house, and a down payment for your daughters car (which she truly has no reason to do)??? Am I getting all this straight? I’m going to be blunt here. You have a job, and I am assuming if you have been in the Air-Force for a while now and you just renewed your contract, that you should be making pretty decent money yourself, so why exactly should she pay off more of your debt? That is not her responsibility, regardless if you are married and have a child together, it wasn’t even her responsibility to pay off the other 2 credit cards of yours to begin with. If she wants to put a down payment on a car it is her money and her choice to make. I understand you are married and being in a marriage you should both consult in each other and make decisions together, however; if you are not contributing and not even putting the down payment for your own daughters car then I would say you have no say in this. Even if the car is new, you never want to finance 100% of a car, that is a waste of money with how high the interest rates are right now. Your wife is only 25, I would trust her judgment if she has been able to buy her own home and pay it off already. I think you need to STOP depending on your wife to get you out of debt and fix your money issues, start paying off your own debt, start depending on yourself and helping out, again you work for the Air-Force, I know a lot of people in the military and I know after being in the military for a long time, you should be financially stable. You don’t pay for insurance and you have a lot of benefits, so get off your ass and start doing something. The only one being selfish right now in this relationship seems to be YOU. If you love your wife, sit down with her and try to work things out, be smart about it and show her that you aren’t lazy and that you can help out with some of the bills as well. Good luck!

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)