Advice Column: My brother is going down the wrong path. Image found on flickr.com
The Question: My brother is going down the wrong path, should I try giving him advice again or just let him go his own way?
I have been worried about my brother for a while, and I don’t know what to do other than throw my hands up and be done with the situation. He is a meth addict who has been in and out of prison, and just recently spent two years in a prison. When he was released my mother has enabled him again by buying him a trailer to live in. I tried giving my advice as to jobs he could get as a felon and positive things he could be doing. Yet he wont listen and instead got in contact with a bail guy he was friends with. This guy is a slime ball and uses people to make money. He promised him work and gave him a vehicle, yet only paid him little amounts to keep my brother under his control. [sic]. My brother was at an RV park when the bail guy convinced him to stay on his property. I believe its a way to have my brother fail and take the trailer. He isn’t giving my brother much work and I noticed my brother was reconnecting with old doper friends! I am worried he will go down the wrong path again, yet I also feel like this is the choice he made. He wants everything given to him and didn’t want to listen to me or even take my positive advice/help. [sic]. Am I being to judgmental or am I the only one seeing where this will lead?
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Sibling;
This is a very hard position to be in. He’s your brother and it’s normal to only want the best for him but to try and get him help. It can be frustrating when we want to help someone we love but we can’t do anything about it. All you can do is be there for him, don’t give up. Try talking to him and explain to him that you care but you see him going down the wrong path again. Is there someone else you can talk to? Unfortunately all you can do is talk, but at the end of the day he’s a grown man, who knows right from wrong. Sometimes we can’t help the people we love, but we can always stay positive and try talking to them. Be there for them and love them. Who is this “bail guy”. Maybe there is a way you can report this guy, if he’s doing illegal stuff. I know you probably don’t want to get your brother in trouble again with the law, but if he’s hanging with the wrong people it’s only a matter of time before he gets himself into trouble.
Try talking to your brother and just be there for him. It’s all you can really do.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Yahoo.com
I agree wholeheartedly with Nicole, this is a touch situation to be in. But in the end, you can’t live someone else’s life for them. All you can really do is advise him and be there for him. If he choses to not follow your advice that is on him. Like it was said, he’s a grown man. He has to make the decision to seek help and stick with it. It’s going to hurt in a lot of ways, no easy way to say that. But you have to let things run their course. Hopefully he will get tired of his lifestyle and seek help. I hope he soon makes the right choices. The one specific thing I will say is be careful. Be there for him, let him know your arms are open to him but only to the point where it doesn’t endanger you in anyway. In situations like this there is often collateral damage that can often be avoided. You just have to know how to see it and draw that line. I wish you well.