Advice Column: Am I wrong to get mad?

The Question:

I’m 27 weeks pregnant, living with my boyfriend. He hasn’t done really anything through my pregnancy, so far (like getting a job). His plans were to stop smoking weed this summer and join the navy, because the benefits are good! He’ll get health and dental insurance and they’ll pay his way through college, and our son will get those health benefits, as well. That’s what was most important to me, because I’ll be going off to college within the next year and it’s going to be so hard for me to pay for hospital bills/medication (if something should happen to me or our son) while going to school. Those benefits for the baby would have eased a lot of stress. But NOW, he’s wanting just to go to college. I asked why he changed his mind and he said because he doesn’t want to stop smoking weed. I support any decision he makes to further his education, because that’s better than nothing, but I think that’s selfish on his part. I had to exchange my career dreams for a career that I’m not completely interested in, but can support our family, but he can’t put down the pot? It’s not only that, but he’s trying to go to college in COLORADO. We live in Texas and the thought of him being so far away from us tears me apart.

Question is: Should I support his dreams fully and be positive that everything will turn out okay? OR Is this really something to talk/argue about with him?

My response:

Dear going to be a mom;

You are pregnant and you are about to start a family. Just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean you need to marry the father of your baby, especially if the relationship isn’t so good. The Navy is a big commitment, I wouldn’t push him into going into the Navy just because it has good benefits and health plans, entering into any Government force is a big commitment and in the Navy you would barely see your husband either because they go out to sea a lot of the times, however if it is something he does like and was considering then I do believe he needs to wake up and grow up and realize that he’s having a baby soon. If his plans are to go to college in another state why isn’t he inviting you to go with him? You don’t leave your family behind for college, you take them with you. I’m sorry but it seems to me like he is trying to run away from his responsibilities, and he needs to grow up and realize that he’s going to be a Dad soon, if he wasn’t ready to give up smoking weed to get a job and support his family then he should had thought about all that before getting you pregnant. You have to confront him, this isn’t something you just let go, Don’t push him into the Navy, but he definitely needs to get a Job and he needs to stay close to his family, if he doesn’t want that then you need to make a choice, you need to decide if this is the life you want, is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? If the college in Colorado is really what he wants, don’t stop him from going, but there are ways to still be together, you can move over there with him and be a family. As for the weed, he definitely needs to just give that up! However, with all that said, just because he’s the father doesn’t mean you have to stay with him. As for you going to college, don’t give up what you wanted to study, there are many plans the government can help you with especially for a single mother going to school, many grants and other things. Look into it, but don’t give up. You got yourself in this position so now you also have to grow up and take responsibility, don’t rely on a man to get you where you want to be. I hope it works out for you because it’s nice to have that perfect little family (but sometimes it doesn’t always work that way) so if it doesn’t work out that way, you need to be strong for your child, move on, get a job and continue school. But definitely TALK ABOUT IT!

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com – Repost 2010