Advice Column: Should I take him back?

Advice Column: Should I leave him? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Should I take him back? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Should I take him back?

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I’ve been in a relationship on and off for almost four years, practically the whole time I’ve been living in NY. I have been very unhappy in the relationship and ended up hurting him as a result. But we said we would try to make it through and we lived together for 7 months earlier this year. I said I wouldn’t live with him unless he was serious about marriage. He said it was his intention. A few months in, he changed his mind. I started getting desperate for him to act like a committed boyfriend, and he felt annoyed by that. So he broke it off. I immediately flew back home to live with my parents because I’ve been freelancing (unemployed). Now he wants me back. Says he is sorry about being a jerk and forgives me for how I’ve hurt him. Says we can make it work. Says he loves me and can’t imagine being without me. Guess my question for you is your thoughts on whether I should accept his love or just move on?

~Love or Move on

My Response:

Dear Love or Move on;

Men always want what they can’t have. And sometimes we realize what we lost once it’s gone. If you have been unhappy for a long time and you keep trying to make it work and it hasn’t worked, I would say move on! Sometimes we try to make something work that just isn’t there. It’s natural for us to want to make our relationships work, but if it’s forced it’s not natural. I can’t tell you to accept his love or move on, because ultimately you have to make that choice. But it looks like deep down you already know the answer. You haven’t been happy with him for a long time, you got back with him to try and make things work (maybe some part of that was feeling the guilt of hurting him). If you were truly in love with him, you would have not done whatever it is you did, you would have tried to make it work in the moment. We all make mistakes and sometimes we can forgive and move on, but it’s hard. Has he always been against marriage? Most men are honest in the beginning of a relationship and although they can change their mind about marriage, if they are honest about it, we need to accept it. If he’s already told you that your relationship is going in that direction, then pulled away and changed his mind, what makes you think he won’t do that again? He is missing you right now, and that’s natural for any relationship when you break up. But you have to really think about your relationship. Think about him, is this the man you truly can see spending your entire life with? After 4 years off and on, is this it? Ask yourself these questions, be honest with yourself. It’s scary sometimes to be truly honest with ourselves but we have to be. Because at the end of the day you don’t want to keep trying and wasting your time on something that at the end of the day isn’t going to work. Plus you deserve someone who isn’t so confused about your relationship, and someone you are truly happy with!

xo,

Kristin Nicole

Advice Column: Should I take him back?

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