Cheating & Pregnant

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I’m so desperate for help, and I really don’t know what’s the best way to go about all of this. I’ve been married with my husband for more than 12 years and I’m 34 right now. My relationship with my husband was kind of complicated but it’s getting better and more understanding. However, our sexual relationship has been questionable always, and there was a huge gap between us. Anyhow, short story, in some point of our life I felt that I really hated him, but I never had the strength to divorce him, so I continued living with him, and in the meantime I fell in love with someone else who is still with me. It’s been almost more than a year. We love each other so much, my husband loves me so much too, and now we don’t have any problem like before, and I don’t want to leave him because he’s going to be broken, and I don’t want to divorce him. My boyfriend is married too, and has a very bad relationship with his wife, and he has a daughter. He asked me several time to marry him, but I can’t leave my husband.
Now I’m pregnant with my boyfriend about 3 weeks. I’m sure that it is his baby because I haven’t had any intercourse with my husband for over 2 months. My boyfriend is so excited about the baby and so am I, but I’m so scared about the whole process and I feel guilty that if I decide to keep this baby I have to lie to everyone for my entire life.
Please help me to clear my mind. I know that I’m guilty in the first place and I shouldn’t cheat on my husband, but I really need your help.
My boyfriend doesn’t believe in abortion and he says that the baby is part of our love, and I need to think by my heart. I love to have this baby as well, but when I think of consequences I’m getting more convince that I have to have an abortion.
I can’t lie to everyone. The baby, my husband my family and his family.
Please help me

~Cheating & Pregnant
(Revised: KN)

My Response:

Dear Cheating & Pregnant;

You already know that what you are doing is wrong, and the fact that your ‘boyfriend’ also has a wife is another issue. I understand that you had a complicated marriage, but when you felt that you weren’t happy, you should have left your husband then. It’s been a year that you have been having this other relationship, and your ‘boyfriend’ is still married as well. You need to make a decision, you cannot keep having this double life, it will eventually tear you apart. I can tell you are already struggling with making a decision on what to do now that you are pregnant with your boyfriends child. Your boyfriend probably won’t leave his wife as much as you do not want to leave your husband. If you truly were in love with your husband you wouldn’t be cheating and lying to him. You cannot try to pass this baby off has your husbands child and I’m sure your boyfriend won’t allow that. You will have to face the music and be honest with your husband. I am not going to try and sugar coat this, it is most likely your husband will leave you once he finds out the truth. The truth always comes out, and it is best to be honest with him now then for him to find out about the baby. If you chose to abort the child, that is completely up to you, however, you are in this situation out of free will. You need to really think about what it is you are going to do. Either choice won’t be easy and in the end someone will get hurt, but living a lie and continuing to cheat on your husband is not healthy.

Be honest with yourself, and with both men and decide to be with one or the other.

xo
kristin nicole