The Question:
We have been married for 4 years and I am 25 years old and he is 28. I am sure my husband is still in love with me and tries to spend time with me as much as he can, and he is not cheating on me. But there is no sex drive between us anymore, the reason he gave for not showing interest in sex is that he’s got other ambitions to think about and he is not really into the sex any more.
He was very passionate a year ago, and we had this financial instability for a while and since then it is changed. He cuddles with me and does everything just like in our newly wed days, but its been 3 months since we had sex… can anyone give advise other than going to therapist?
My Response:
Dear No Sex;
If you don’t want to seek counseling I would recommend you first try to COMMUNICATE this to him. Sit down with your husband and tell him that you need to talk about the situation that you are in. Having other ambitions does not drive a man to not want to have sex, something else must be going on here. He is only 28, and I know many men at that age that are still driven as if they were 16 year old boys. 3 MONTHS is a long time, speak up and tell him what you want and what you need. Cuddling is cute and all but at the end of the day intimacy is so much more, and without it in your relationship things can go from good to bad. If you don’t think he is cheating on you, then find out what else it could be. You said that he mentioned he just wasn’t into the sex anymore? What is that about? How can a man not be into sex anymore, he’s only 28 for goodness sakes (Speak up because this is just not a good enough excuse). Most relationships where the man is not having sex can lead to a few different things (not necessarily cheating but it could be an option), he’s stressed over work, (and or you mentioned you had financial problems before) and maybe he’s still stressed over this and it is not totally fixed, this can make him a little too pre-occupied to think of anything else, or he is having some type of difficulty in the bedroom area and he doesn’t want you to know…either way which ever reason it is, it would need to be taken care of. So sit down and talk to your husband, don’t take the “I have too many things on my plate” excuse, we all do, but being together and working together in life is part of marriage.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
My husband hadn’t really had a sex life for over 40 years. Our wedding night was the only time we had great sex and intimate bonding. After that there was nothing no sex, intimacy, loving, kissing, cuddling. After our first month together he moved all his stuff down stairs and built an apartment for himself and to this day hes still down there and his shop out back on our property. I was a young bride and I thought things would get better but they never did. I wish I had left him, but I was embarassed to admit there were problems, plus I would experience pressure from my parents. All this time has past no kids really no husband to speak of and all alone. I did have sex on the side and it didn’t matter to him. Now I might have to come down to his level , I’m having a hysterectomy and my doctor said chances are good sex urges will be gone, or limited. I’ve been so unhappy all these years, he ruined my life, hopefully I will find light at the end of the tunnel.