Advice Column: Should I break up with her?

 

Advice Column: Should I break up with her?

The Question:

We have been together for 8 years. Recently, things have not been the way I would like them to be. We moved in together 7 years ago, and things then were good, but this is her in a nutshell:

1.) She is overweight, and has made no effort to lose weight

2.) She is losing her hair and has made no effort to sort that out

3) She treats our house like a hotel and never bothers to clean up, I spend most of the time cleaning up and we both work.

4. We both work and complains that when she comes home why should she clean up.

5. She loves junk food, take out, and prefers it to home cooking

6. She is bad with money, constantly spending it and not budgeting it properly

7. She is so mistrustful of me and my work, she gets upset when I work.

8. She is not happy unless she has things her way and if she doesn’t get her way, she gets angry.

10. I cannot say no to her or she will get into a strop. [sic].

11. I have been working for the past eight years, she only got a job recently and she thinks its an automatic right that she should not contribute to the house.

12. Every time I clean up and try to sort things out she doesn’t help maintain the house.

13. She always leaves things out of place. I ask her to do things, like put away dishes after I wash them, she says she would, but always casually forgets and never does it.

14. She constantly likes to live in a place of perpetual squalor

15. She has a problem with taking advice

17. I try to help her but she just doesn’t give me any indication that she is interested or willing to participate.

I don’t know what I can do I love her, but I cannot live my life like this all the time. She expects so much of me, but it is seriously putting a strain on our relationship. I work, she works, I am trying to forge [sic] a career but it is difficult when I feel I am being held back.

I am afraid if we do break up, she will make it difficult for me to be free. I never broke up with someone, what should I do?

Help Please!

My response:

Dear being taken advantage of:

How old are you? You have been together for 8 years and lived together for 7 and you are telling me that only after 7 years you have finally realized the type of person she is. If you haven’t noticed,  you did not mention one good thing about your girlfriend and if you have been together for so long and you are NOT happy then that should tell you something about your relationship. The indication that all you can come up with is negative stuff about your girlfriend should indicate to you that it’s time to grow some balls and man up, break up with your girlfriend. If you both work and you are the only one coming home to pick up after her then there is no 50/50 in this relationship. You truly sound like the woman in the relationship, you need to either sit down and have a big talk with her about how things need to change or you need to move on. As for her gaining weight and loosing hair; there may be something wrong. It sounds like she doesn’t care about herself and it’s no wonder you are second guessing your relationship. I don’t believe in having to be thin, if you really love someone you’ll love them even if they gained a few pounds, but how much weight gaining are we talking about, and losing hair? What is she doing? If she doesn’t care about her looks that is a problem. If she isn’t helping around the house and she’s a total pig, that’s a problem, She doesn’t know how to budget money, and she seems to only care about herself, that’s a problem, and if she simply doesn’t care about what you think that’s a PROBLEM! I think you are in love with what you had, and you have to open your eyes and look at the big picture because the person you fell in love with isn’t that person anymore. Don’t be afraid to break up with someone just because you have never done that before. if you aren’t happy you have to think about yourself. If you have a lease together, break it, and move out, find a new place to start a new life and find a new girlfriend that will appreciate all the things you do for her. Good luck! Man up and find someone else that will appreciate you, someone you are truly happy with, not someone you want to change because they didn’t end up being the person you thought they were.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

Edited (2010)