Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

The Question:

Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

My Response:

Dear Step-Mom;

First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

xo
kristin nicole

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