I’m a 32 year old woman and I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were friends for years before that. He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him and I feel in my gut that we are not meant to be together in the long-term. I feel strongly that I don’t want to commit to him. However, I’m also scared to leave him because I know he’d make a great father and partner/husband (although I don’t see myself marrying him). I guess I feel he may be my only chance (at my age?). Question is: am I just afraid to grow up and settle down or would I just be settling for the wrong guy if I stayed? I’m scared of making a massive mistake either way.
Dear Not In Love;
I think you already know the answer “He is a great guy, we get on well and we are really well matched in many ways. My concern is that I don’t think I love him…” You have already spent the last 5 years with someone you already know you don’t want a future with and it isn’t fair to lead him on into thinking that his future might be with you. Be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend, it might hurt and it’s hard to move on and find someone else but at the end of the day you both will be happy that what you did was the right move to make. Marriage is a very big commitment and it isn’t something you should ever get into just because “he or she might be a great parent”. You are still young and there are plenty of other men out there, don’t keep putting it off and spending more time on a relationship that you aren’t truly happy in. Don’t ever settle to just settle, settle down because that’s the person you truly know you want to spend the rest of your life with. Sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel, move on and find someone you are truly in love with and can have a future with.
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