Been married for almost 3 yrs and been together for 4. My hubby and I started going to therapy to learn how to communicate better with each other. Plus he is one that holds everything inside and lets it brew not to mention the pure hell his last wife put him through and the abusive relationship that I was in.
Anyways, therapy was going very good for awhile then all hell broke lose. If I mention one thing about his kids and how I feel disrespected by them or how I feel that they are being handed everything my hubby flips out. We agree on things and then he does what he wants with OUR money meaning we both work full time and both contribute to the bank account. One issue is we are paying for his sons car insurance and not my daughter. Neither one of these kids live with us and both are high school graduates with full time jobs.
His mother is constantly telling me how the love of his life was his ex and that’s where he wants to be for the sake of the kids. She will also tell my co workers my personal business and then deny she said anything. My hubby says nothing to her, he tells me to let it roll. And that she talks about everyone.
His kids are disrespectful to me and my hubby claims they are joking. His 15 yr old son told me last week that I don’t make the rules around here, his dad does. And his dad says what goes, not me. This is my house that my hubby moved into. We don’t own it together nor rent it. This same young man told me before he didn’t have to listen to me he only had to listen to his dad, mom and his moms BF because he had the money. Again my hubby said or did nothing.
When we were planning our wedding. I asked his two daughters and his niece to part of the wedding and he was sitting there when they were asked. About a week later I was talking to his oldest daughter (from another mother) via Facebook or Myspace (the ex wont allow her kids to be friends with me on either of these networks) and we were talking about the wedding. His ex told my hubby that their daughter was really upset because she wasn’t invited to participate in the wedding and wanted to be part of it. I tried to explain to my hubby that she was invited and he was there when we were talking about it. He couldn’t remember that day.So again I invited her and told her what we wanted her to do. She agreed once again. When our wedding came the daughter refused to do anything. She sat there and texted the entire time. He said or did nothing about it after making an issue out of it.
Now at therapy he says all I do is complain. What am I suppose to do allow his kids to say or do whatever they want while at our house? Leave their messes every where? Only have sex when my hubby wants it? Ignore what his mother says no matter how much it hurts me? Keep handing out to his kids constantly while my daughter gets nothing? And sit and watch Xbox every weekend for 6-8 hrs at a time or watch tv in the bedroom? Not expect to have date nights on any weekend unless the kids mother has plans for them? According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!
You obviously aren’t happy, being in a relationship where kids are involved from a previous marriage is always hard, that is why it’s best to date for a long time and make sure that the kids aren’t going to be a problem. A lot of what you mentioned happened right before you got married and you have been married now for 4 years, you need to sit down with your husband and communicate. This is why you went to counseling to begin with (to communicate) so sit down with him and explain to him what you are feeling, explain that things need to change, you need to feel respected by both his kids, mother and himself. He can’t always just take the kids side or they will never respect you. If he doesn’t want to change then you have to really think if this is the type of marriage you want to stay in? You said “According to my hubby it seems if I live by these rules then everyone will be happy!” Yes everyone will be happy, everyone except the one person that matters…. YOU! Stick up for yourself, communicate with your husband and try to resolve these issues, if you let them slide more, it is only going to get worse. As it is it’s already been 4 + years. If you want this marriage to work things need to change, if not you aren’t going to be happy. Respect yourself to know when you aren’t being respected.
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