The Question:
If you find out that your husband or wife after several years of being together and married is into the same sex and never told you, and you find out by reading their chat history and they have been this way there whole life. They have also been camming online and chatting very sexually with men and woman. How do you bring it up?
Additional Details
Thank you. I don’t want a divorce i love my husband very much. I don’t care if he is bi. I just don’t want to be lied to and hurt. I just don’t know how to bring it up. I’m afraid he will turn on me and say well get over it or get out. Without any remorse.
Like I said before the him being bi doesn’t matter. I don’t care about that. It’s the fact that I was not told. After all this time that I have invested in our relationship and thought that we were open to each other I find out that we are not i feel like I have been living a lie. It bothers me he is cheating mostly…he says anything online is a fantasy not real…
My Response:
Dear Lied to;
Let’s not jump to conclusions, how do you know that he’s talking to other men on line (by their screen names?) or have you seen actual pictures. If your husband is bisexual then perhaps there is a deeper meaning behind it all, of why he hasn’t come out and told anyone. Why he got married to a women and why he is now hiding it all. I have known people who were married with children for years, and later came out that they were homosexual. Some people hide behind what they think society wants them to play, a straight man with a family is a lot easier understood then a man living with another man or women with another women. It is not something that is easy to bring up, but you deserve to know the truth. If you do not mind that he is bi-sexual (if that is the case) then that is 100% your choice to deal with, however I have to bring up him chatting very sexual things with men and women…. (It is not just a fantasy world this is a form of emotional cheating). Do you want to be with someone who is needing to chat with other people behind your back? Homosexual or not, this is not right, especially in a marriage. If you are married, you are solely committed to each other, there is no need to be sneaking behind your partners back talking and chatting with other people. You have a big question on your hands, first this isn’t going to be easy but the best way to confront this is straight on (there is no easy way and it is going to be uncomfortable for the both of you). After finding out what is really going on, then you’ll have to go from there. Do you stay with a man that is possibly bi-sexual (what does this mean?) Even if he’s bisexual does it mean it’s okay for him to be with other men while married to you? These are things you have to think about. I know you love him but think about what he is doing to you? First off by NEVER telling you the truth about his sexuality. Second going behind your back talking to other men and women. This is unacceptable, you have to have respect for yourself and see that what he is doing is wrong.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com
Talk to your husband, communication is key to helping any relationship.
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