We have been together about 4.5 yrs and I recently found out that when I was away one weekend a couple of years ago that he kissed one of my best friends. I confronted him about it and he says he is sorry and that he was stupid and would never do it again. I also confronted her and she said that she was sorry and didn’t want to tell me…afraid that I would be mad (ya think) and that we would break up. I have forgiven him and her and still love them both but I can’t forget and now now we don’t communicate.
Dear Lied To;
It’s hard to gain someones trust back, the fact that he kissed your best friend and then hid it from you for so long is hard. He can’t expect you to just forget just because it happened a few years back. You have to trust that it was only that one time and he’s been faithful to you for the past years until now. You have to think about that and you have to really find it in your heart to truly let go. If you feel that you can’t let go your relationship won’t last. Communicate to him, tell him you are still hurt about this even though you forgave them both and you feel that the two of you aren’t communicating lately. Communication is key, don’t hold on to this it will only harm you more. If you know deep down you won’t ever trust him, this is the time to speak up, don’t wait another 4 years before realizing that you could have moved on a long time ago. If you can forgive him and start trusting him again then do that, and when you feel like you aren’t trusting him about something just try to remember that this has never happened before (it was only the one time) it doesn’t make it right but the truth is out now and he’s going to have to deal with that. Did he tell you that this happened a few years ago? How did you find out? If he told you about it, then the lies were probably eating away at him and it’s a good thing he told you, that means he can’t keep secrets from you, however he did hide it for a long time and that is something you have to think about. It’s hard when someone lies about something so big and the lie comes out, but now you have to make a decision. Open up to him and try to make it work, or move on.
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