My husband packed his things and moved back in with his parents last weekend. He said things between us are not working out and he needs space and time to think things over. We have been both feeling taken for granted and I have been having trust issues since he started talking to his female friend again. The only time we have talked is when I called him (2 times) this week (thurs and sun). I know I should not have called, and that I am fully accountable for my actions, I just called in a moment of weakness. Sunday night, he told me if we went to a counselor and he/she could convince him this marriage is salvageable then he will try, otherwise he is done. He said “if they can change my mind, then I will give it another try”. He just seems like he has given up. Also when we talk he is very short with me and doesn’t say much. I feel so hopeless. He told me he would call weds with his new work schedule so I would know what day he can go to counseling, but now I am not sure if I want to go. He doesn’t seem like he will be very receptive so whats the point? I feel like I am dragging him there kicking and screaming. Should I just drop it and ignore him completely for a couple of weeks, or what? Please help!! I am still very in love with him, and want this to work. He says he still loves me, when I ask but not that he misses me. I feel so awful.
I have apologized several times. He just tells me he knows I will revert to my old self, and that our relationship is too damaged. He said I had his love and threw it away. I know that I did. I have been working with a counselor on my issues and done a work shop already, but I can’t go it alone.
Dear in a rut;
It seems to me that your problems only progressed as time went on. It is hard to love someone and have the other person give up on you. With that said, you can still try marriage counseling but know that you cannot change a person minds, and person will only change the way he feels if he/she actually feels it and if he/she wants to change. Ignoring him is not going to make the problem go away, and if you really want to make it work, the only thing you can do is be honest about the way you feel, tell him about how you have been going to counseling to resolve your other issues and that if he still loves you and has any reason to try again, then counseling is a start. If he refuses and still says that he will go “if they can change is mind” then you really just have to sit down together and make a decision on what to do with your marriage. No one can change a persons mind about loving someone and wanting to be with that person, that is not how love works. You have to want to want that person, you have to want to make it work. If the love is not there, you can not force it on someone. Try talking to your husband, but this time face to face (not on the phone), I know it is hard, especially because you want to make it work, but you might have to come to terms with the fact that perhaps, it is over, and the best thing to do is just move forward with your lives.
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