I get too involved with my daughters social life..what can I do to stop?


I never realized how hard it is being a parent until my daughter reached middle school. I feel like I get too involved with her social life. Don’t get me wrong, she talks to me about everything and I give my opinion. However, I notice A LOT that I will take her cell phone and read her messages. She doesn’t get mad.. maybe sometimes irritated but never mad. I guess I just want to make sure everything is good and there are no mean texts from other girls etc. She is very liked but sometimes I worry about jealousy and kids can be brutal.. especially girls. I know that when I was in 6th grade it was the worst time of my life. I was new in school.. boys liked me and the girls absolutely hated me because of it. They treated me so badly that I would cry in my room every night and always felt sick to my stomach. Once they moved and I continued into the 7th grade it was better. But when I moved my freshman year into another new school the same thing happened. (my dad was in the military) I ended up hanging out with Seniors because they took me under their wing because of the way my class was treating me. BTW.. It got better and ended up being the best years of my life. However, I worry about my daughter. I try to teach her at a young age that she should never “date” her friends ex boyfriends. Her and her boyfriend broke up which she is OK with it.. she’s young, they don’t do anything that would make them cry.. at least yet. But one of her best friends ex started texting her asking her out and she said no she couldn’t do that to her best friend. Her friend found out, thinks that she likes him and now she likes my daughters ex. It’s so crazy and so much drama it drives me crazy. I feel like I’m living my life through my daughter all over again. Her two friends are mad at her and I immediately felt sick to my stomach the same way I did when I was her age. Why am I like this?? I couldn’t go to sleep last night because I’m so worried about her but she’s not having any of the feelings like I did. She’s going on like everything is OK and I’m so proud of her for that. But why can’t I get over it? She is a good girl, can pout a lot sometimes but overall, she’s great. Makes really good grades, very athletic, very pretty, and most importantly has a good heart. Are their any other moms or dads out there that feel the way I do or am I just retarded?!?!? LOL.. It really bothers me. I don’t know how to stop thinking my life is going to be hers… Sincere advice would be greatly appreciated.

My response:

Dear too involved;

My mom goes through this with my sister a lot, wanting to know everything, and always giving advice, driving yourself crazy because you don’t want your kid to make the same mistakes you made, or in your case, you don’t want her to feel the way you felt when you were her age. It’s good to give advice, and it’s great that your daughter goes to you about everything, this alone should give you peace of mind into thinking and knowing you don’t need to go through your daughters phone, you need to baby her every step of the way. I know it’s hard to see someone you love grow up, and you don’t want them getting hurt. I think your main problem is you are trying to re-live your life through hers, and you are still hurt from what happened to you so many years ago. You need to let that go, the past is the past and you are doing just great now, and that’s all that matters, Don’t look at it has a bad thing, even if you did cry all those nights, it’s what made you into the strong women you are today. You even said it yourself, the rest of your high school years ended up to be one of your greatest. Let your daughter make her mistakes, be there for her and give her advice, but it sounds to me like your daughter is living her life just fine. In middle school, things are always hard, it’s the awkward stage of life, girls are going to get jealous and they are going to get into fights, let your daughter fight her own battles and don’t worry about her so much. She is obviously doing just fine with what is going on right now with her friends. They’ll get over it, and they will be friends again, that’s what teenagers do. And if she looses a friend, she’ll only come to realize that, that person wasn’t a friend to begin with, and she has all her life to meet and make new and great friends. She has so many more years of awkward stages, and fights with friends, you can’t drive yourself crazy trying to fix every little fight she has. She’ll be fine, just look at you now; Your fine, and it seems to me by what you said, that your daughter is already doing just FINE! Just remind yourself when you feel like going through her phone, that your daughter is smart, and you have taught her right from wrong, and she will know how to handle anything that comes her way, and if she has a question just remind her that you are always there to give her advice.

kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

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