Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman

Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: Wife wants to sleep with another woman

Dear Kristin Nicole

My wife told me that she has been having feelings for a co-worker of hers, at first I was conflicted because I thought she meant a guy but then she told me that it was another woman. I’m still conflicted with this because we have known each other for 10 years and she has never gave off that she likes other women. She told me that this other woman wants to sleep with her and she wouldn’t mind if I watched, but I don’t know what to think about this. Most men would love for their wives to sleep with another woman and be able to watch, but if she ends up wanting to sleep with other woman all the time, what do I do? She says I can’t join them, I can only watch. Do I let her sleep with this other woman or not?
~Husband

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Husband;

I think you are right, I think most men would be thrilled to watch their wife or girlfriend be with another woman, but I understand your concern in regards to her wanting to do this more than once. Talk to your wife and ask her what has brought this on? Is this just a one time thing to get out of her system, out of curiosity? You need to think about this and you need to really be sure that you will be okay with your wife sleeping with another woman. Perhaps your wife is in the closet and isn’t sure which side of the bed she really wants to sleep on. This is a tough decision and you need to truly be okay with what your wife is asking. Communicate with your wife your concerns and make it clear that if you are okay with this, it can only happen once. Personally, I don’t think a man or woman should want to sleep with any other person and I think this is something she should have gotten out of her system before you got married but the fact that you have known her for so long and she has never done anything like this makes it seem like she is either bored or has always been curious of the same sex. Talk to your wife and make the decision together.

xo,
kristin nicole

Advice Column: My boyfriend Ignores me

Advice Column: My boyfriend Ignores me. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: My boyfriend Ignores me. Am I overreacting? 

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I just need to vent and with that I have a few questions. I just want to know if I’m overreacting? My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. He is a great guy and he is actually a normal man. He is not a show off or a dog. He treats me amazing and 90% of the time I tell myself how lucky I am to have such an amazing person with me. Now, here’s what happens in between all the nice things. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t pay attention to me at all. If I say something to him, he sometimes ignores what I say and what pisses me off the most is that if someone else says something right after me he responds to them. It’s like what I say doesn’t mean anything. He also isn’t a very emotional person, from time to time he kisses me and hugs me but most of the time I have to kiss him and even then I feel like I’m begging for it. So going back to the emotions; when I ignore him or kind of mind my own business he comes up to me and acts all cute with me, plays with me ,and says cute things (this is rare), texts me in the morning asking me how is my day at work or school etc. Now when I go up to him and kiss him and all that, [sic] I feel like he pushes me away. He never tells me how he feels, so when I ask all he says is “I’m with you, I thought that was the answer and I don’t need to tell you how I feel, I thought you would know” and even after I have told him it’s nice to hear something nice from time to time he still doesn’t say anything or do anything. Now about sex. He never comes up to me anymore, hardly ever, but I know he is watching Porn. It just doesn’t make sense to me since I’m always there, basically asking for sex. Now for the past 3 days I’ve felt so distant from him. I feel like he is being cold and today I know he has been up for 3 hours since he had somewhere to go and I texted him twice both telling him good news and no response. For some reason from day one I always felt like he would cheat on me even though he has never given me any reason to think that. He has been nothing but loyal, so here is why I might be overreacting and over analyzing. I think that maybe my thought of him cheating or leaving me is making me paranoid which maybe is hurting us? Also there’s no reason to break up with me for another women. It would just be a waste of time and no need for that. I’m perfect for him. So my question is why does he act so weird and distant sometimes and when I ask it’s always nothing is wrong?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Emotional;

I do not think you are overreacting, sometimes as women we feel insecure when our men don’t tell us how they feel. It’s not to say they are doing something bad like cheating or that they don’t love us, but sometimes we have to stop over analyzing every little thing and just sit back and try to understand where they are coming from. I know you said you have already spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel, try again, try telling him how it makes you feel and that you want him to try a little harder. It might not come easy to him, to show emotions or be affectionate, so just try and give him time. He may never be overly affectionate with you and you have to accept that this is who he is and love him for him. As for the sex part, if he doesn’t initiate it, then you should. Spicing things up in the bedroom never hurt anyone.

If you don’t like that he is watching porn instead of having sex with you, then tell him. But don’t take it too personal, men sometimes just like watching porn and it doesn’t have anything to do with us. It doesn’t mean that he is not attracted to you or that he doesn’t love you. If he tells you he loves you and to not worry so much, then try to do just that. I know that it is easier said than done and I know that sometimes it’s hard to not feel insecure and have all these crazy ideas in your head but when you feel like you are driving yourself crazy, just remember that he has done nothing to make you not trust him. Trust is an important aspect in any relationship and you have to believe in it. Don’t ever stop communicating with him about how you feel, even if he doesn’t change, you will feel better letting him know, and work on it together.

I hope I could help. If you ever need to talk just email me.

xo,
kristin nicole

(2011)

Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger

Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: Husband wants to be a swinger

Dear Kristin Nicole

My husband asked me the other day if I was willing to go to a swingers club with him. I don’t know what to think of this. We have been married for only 2 years. Is he bored of me already that he wants to sleep with other people? I asked him why he would want to go to a swingers club and he said he just wanted to spice things up for us. I thought we had pretty good sex, so I am not sure what I can do. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with other people or my husband sleeping with other people but I’m scared that if I don’t go he will cheat on me and leave me. Do I go so that I don’t lose him? Or do I tell him no, and hope he doesn’t leave me.
~Swinger

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Swinger;

If you want my personal opinion then I would say NO…. I don’t think that in a marriage people should sleep with other people. If you are married, you should be committed and happy to be with just that one person. How long have you known your husband? Has he always been a little freaky or ever indicated that he wanted to be a swinger? If this is something new that he suddenly brought up then you need to really sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. If he is willing to end your marriage just because you don’t believe swinging is the answer to better sex, then maybe you need to truly think about what kind of man you married. Do you want to be with a man that wants to sleep with other women and that is willing for his wife to sleep with other men? Tell your husband that you are willing to try other things in the bedroom and spice it up in other ways but if you don’t feel comfortable going to a swingers club then you need to speak up. Giving in and going just because your husband wants to might end up badly in the end. You may end up resenting him for making you go. Go with your gut feeling and talk to your husband. If he loves you I am sure he will be okay with whatever decision you make.

xo,
kristin nicole

(2011)

Advice Column: Affair with a married man

Advice Column: Affair with a married man – Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: Affair with a married man

I’m a 17 year old girl, who recently started talking to a 23 year old guy from across the country. He told me straight up that he has two baby boys, which didn’t bother me because we weren’t anything serious. Well we texted all the time and talked on the phone, but when he oddly kept refusing to add me on Facebook I demanded to know why. He admitted to being in a loveless, miserable marriage. They’ve been married for four years and he’s slept with a few other women. He suspects her of cheating on him while he was stationed in Korea and doesn’t think that his oldest son is really his. I’m a very understanding person and continued talking to him despite his personal life. But now it’s at the point where he says he has too big of a heart to leave his wife and kids, and I don’t know what to do. I like him but knowing he sits out in his car every night after work to call me while his wife is inside sleeping just doesn’t feel right. It’s too much! He’s an amazing guy and although I don’t think what he’s doing is right, I also feel like I shouldn’t play along. It just kills me because I know how unhappy and utterly miserable he is with her. What should I do?
~17

My Response:

Dear 17;

I think you already know the answer to your question and you just need for someone else to confirm what you have already been thinking and feeling. You stated; “and though I don’t think what he’s doing is right, I also feel like I shouldn’t play along.” Do you need any other answer besides that one? The guy can’t be too good of a guy if he’s cheating on his wife constantly and lying to her. He doesn’t live close to you and all you have is a phone relationship. You are much too young to be worrying about a guy with so many problems. You need to be having fun and start dating guys more your age. Enjoy your life and stop worrying about a guy who is cheating on his wife and his family with other women and sneaking off at night to talk to you. Close the door to this relationship and move on.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

Advice Column: I want a sex toy

Advice Column: I want a sex toy. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: I want a sex toy

Dear Kristin Nicole;

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and I want to spice it up in the bedroom by buying a sex toy but I am not sure if my boyfriend will really go for it. In the past when friends have been talking about it, he has commented that a woman doesn’t need a sex toy if the man is doing his job right. It’s not because he can’t satisfy me but I think it would be fun to spice things up a bit, plus it doesn’t hurt to have that fun hanging around when my boyfriend isn’t home. Should I buy one and surprise him or talk to him about it first?
~Sex Toy

My Response:

Dear Sex Toy;

There is nothing wrong with spicing it up in the bedroom and I think that you have been with your boyfriend long enough for him to know how you are in the bedroom. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you want to spice things up in the bedroom and you think a toy would be a lot of fun. If he is hesitant and starts saying he should be enough for you, explain to him that he is enough for you and that the toy can just add some more fun to the bedroom. If that doesn’t work then you can either forget about it or take the chance and surprise him in the bedroom with one. If that doesn’t work, keep the toy around for when he’s not home. If he really loves you, there shouldn’t be a problem with him wanting to spice things up a bit. Have fun and get a drink in him before bringing it out, this way he’ll be a little more relaxed. Good luck!

xo,
kristin nicole

(2011)

Advice Column: Bad kisser but good in bed

Advice Column: Bad kisser but good in bedDear Kristin Nicole;

My boyfriend “Jason” and I, have been together for over a year and most of that we were long distance. As in every relationship, he was amazing at the beginning, and he still is as a boyfriend – he treats me well, he never lets me pay, he gives me compliments every single day and doesn’t complain about me at all, but there are certain things that make me wonder whether I want to be with him long-term. He doesn’t have a higher education which is fine with me, but he still doesn’t have a clue what he wants to do in the future. He has a part-time job and lives with his parents (he will be 24 soon). I gave him a few ideas what he could do and he liked those jobs, but he would have to undertake some training which he isn’t very keen on doing. I feel like he thinks he is still a teenager and has his money just for fun (yes, after 7 years out of high-school he hasn’t saved much). Also, although he treats me well, he isn’t the nicest person, he shouts at his parents, calls him mum ‘bitch’, tweets random people to ‘fuck off’, simply he is a bit aggressive. Lastly, we doesn’t share the same sense of humor and he is a bad kisser. Good in bed, but a bad kisser.

I don’t want to leave him because I don’t want to hurt him and he gives me security, but I am young, I shouldn’t worry about finding another boyfriend.

Thanks for your time and help :)
~”Katie”

Names have been changed for privacy purposes. 

My Response:

Dear Katie;

It sounds to me like you are just settling to be with this guy. He’s turning 24 soon and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. You pretty much summed up reasons why not to be with him, can you think of any reasons why you should be with him? You have to think about your future, do you see yourself with a man like this? Not having an education isn’t the worst thing, and like you said it isn’t a big deal, but the fact that he doesn’t want to try and work is a totally different situation. He needs to figure out what he wants to do in life, what career, and what path he plans on taking, because if everything in life is a negative now, imagine how it will be later down the road.

You stated; “lastly we don’t share the same sense of humor and he is a bad kisser. Good in bed, but a bad kisser.” There are so many other people out there who you will have things in common with. Being with someone and sharing things you both like is a big thing to have in a relationship. If you feel that you don’t share the same humor or personality, that can be a problem. As for being a bad kisser, you can always try to train him and tell him how you like it. You are young and you have so much time to find someone that you are more compatible with. Don’t waste time on a boy (and I say boy because he hasn’t grown up yet); when there is probably something better waiting for you out there. If you truly love him, truly madly, deeply can see yourself spending the rest of your life with him, then sit with him and tell him how you feel, try to get him motivated into changing his life around. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

 

Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with…

Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with… – Image found on Google.com/Images

Advice Column: Sexual Relationship with….

My husband left me because he said he needed space and time for himself and wants to be free. I pretended to let him go because when we were together I suffocated him by being clingy and needy. We decided to remain ‘Friends with Benefits’ and act like before except we don’t live together anymore. [sic].

I have two conflicting emotions on this:

1. I don’t want to lose him completely and I’m happy he is still attracted to me and 2. It kills me that he doesn’t stay over. He said; “at least not yet because we have to get used to our ‘NEW’ set-up,” but it kills me more that I don’t have a husband anymore. He is having fun being free and all, while I cannot stop thinking about what it could’ve been for us. What should I do?

My Response:

Dear Friends with Benefits;

Your husband left because he needed space, yet he still comes back just to have sex. He is having his cake and eating it too (like that the saying goes). You need to stop and communicate with your husband, either he is fully committed to this marriage or he is not, but he can’t keep coming around just to sleep with you and going back to his own place whenever he wants to. Do you know what he is doing when he’s not with you? Have you spoken about your relationship at all since the split? Is he dating other women? These are all questions you should be asking. Don’t let him just use you for sex, even if you enjoy it. If what you want is your husband back and you have realized you were clingy before and he doesn’t like that then you both need to work on your issues but it doesn’t mean that he needs to move out in order to fix things. In a marriage there is no break, there is no get my own place and there is no “Friends with Benefits”. You are MARRIED, you are his WIFE, not his Friend! Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Get your marriage back on track and stop acting as if you were just dating.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

Advice Column: I don’t want to take my husband

Advice Column: I don’t want to take my husband. Image by: google.com/images

The Question: Advice Column: I don’t want to take my husband to my co-workers birthday party.

I was invited to a coworkers birthday party and I really don’t want to bring my husband. I know it sounds bad but no one is bringing their boyfriend and if I bring him I don’t want to neglect him by talking to co-workers and stuff. [sic]. Its mostly girls and I don’t want him to think I don’t want him to go because I do, but he is going to feel out of place. Is it wrong if I don’t want him to go?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Don’t want to neglect;

Is it mostly girls or is all girls? If it is mostly girls just tell him that it’s only girls and if its okay that you go alone. If it’s a mix of people then there isn’t anything wrong with bringing your husband, let him get to know your co-workers. I used to have happy hour with co-workers after work and it was a mix of us, not everyone brought someone but I always invited my boyfriend and gave him the option to go if he wanted to. If you really want to go alone then just be honest with him and tell him why. I am sure your husband won’t want to be hanging out a bunch of women if that’s the case.

Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past?

Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past? Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: How do I leave the past in the past?

How do I relax and and enjoy the ride? I  want to be happy but I don’t know how to relax and enjoy the guy I’m with. I have so many doubts because I had my heart broken a lot. I am happy and nervous all at the same time. He is a great guy and we spend a lot of time together but I am so afraid of getting my heart broken or the relationship not working out because of my past. What do I do? It’s so hard, please help.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Past;

It’s hard to put the past behind you but every time you get that feeling you have to just remind yourself that this guy isn’t the guy who broke your heart. You have to trust him and you have to believe that he won’t hurt you like the other guys did. I know it’s hard and it’s much easier said than done, but if you want this relationship to work and grow you have to let go of the past and start new with this guy. When you start thinking negative thoughts, notice it, and stop yourself. Change your thought of direction and start thinking of all the good this relationship has brought to you so far. No relationship is ever guaranteed but we have to hope that the next one won’t hurt us. Keep the faith!

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

Advice Column: Cheated on several times

Advice Column: Cheated on several times. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: Cheated on several times

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship. He finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser and how I deserve better. I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?

Sincerely,
Confused~

My Response:

Dear Confused;

Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things. Send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you. You deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!

xo,
kristin nicole

(2011)