Advice Column: Do I just pass by his house?

 

Advice Column: Do I just pass by his house? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Do I just pass by his house? Image found on flickr.com

The Question: Do I just pass by his house?

I’m supposed to be seeing my boyfriend today so he can help me move some furniture to a friend’s house. When I was at his house on Wednesday, he told me to come back Friday and he’ll help (I have to go pick him up because his truck is broken) but his phone hasn’t been working right for a few weeks so I can’t get in touch with him. I usually ask before I go to his house out of respect and to be sure he’s not busy. Should I go over there today anyway even though I can’t get in touch with him? I don’t want him to be mad at me for just showing up but he did tell me he’d help on friday (today) please help!

 

My Response:

Dear No Contact;

He’s your boyfriend, I understand calling before going over but if you have no other way to get a hold of him and he already told you he would help, then I see nothing wrong with just showing up. He honestly should have called you. If he knows his phone is broken and that he was going to help you then he should have found a way to contact you. Does he not have a landline phone? I know many people now a days don’t, but if that’s the case then he really should get his phone fixed. Does he live with someone? Because he can always borrow theirs to get a hold of you. On that note: Like I said, I think it’s find in this circumstance to just pass by. There really shouldn’t be a reason for him to get upset, and you shouldn’t be so worried. Worst case scenario, he gets upset, and then he gets over it. \

xo, kristin nicole

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Advice Column: I told him I wanted to have sex, but…

Advice Column: I told him I wanted to have sex but... Photo found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I told him I wanted to have sex but… Photo found on flickr.com

The Question: I told him I wanted to have sex but I’m not sure that I’m ready.

What should I do? We started dating but we aren’t official yet. We sext [sic] and stuff but I told him I would have sex with him this weekend, but I kind of don’t want to because I want us to be something before we take that next step. What should I do? I’m scared he might get pissed off. I’m a virgin by the way and he isn’t; what do I do?

(EDITED)

My Response:

Dear Virgin;

You should definitely be honest with him, especially if you are a virgin. If he really likes you and respects you then he will understand. Sure has a guy he wants to have sex, and he may be a bit disappointed but that’s okay. What is more important is that you don’t just go running into someones bed when you aren’t 100% ready for it. Losing your virginity is important, don’t rush into things. Even if you make things official, wait a little, make sure you guys are ready for that next step. Does he know you are a virgin? If he doesn’t, you should be honest with him. You don’t want to start a relationship where you are hiding things. Remember to always respect yourself and never do anything you aren’t ready for.

xo,

kristin nicole

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Advice Column: 14 and Depressed

Advice Column: 14 and Depressed. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: 14 and Depressed. Image found on flickr.com

The Question: 14 and Depressed….

I have always been a grumpy, moody child. There was 6 months between age 12 and 13 when I was especially miserable and lonely, and I cut myself and I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings, so the rare times I did try to tell my friends that I was sad, it was awkward and one of them just basically brushed it off. She’s the kind of person thats always happy and doesn’t notice when others are sad, annoyed, or anything but happy.

It kind of went away and I made new friends and became more confident. I don’t know how it just happened, but now its coming back again, definitely not as bad, but its still there. Around two months ago I started noticing that horrible feeling of loneliness again and it becomes really strong at times, usually when I’m alone, but I can only hang out with people at school, since none of them live near me or show interest.

I don’t ever remember feeling close to any of my friends. Before 12 it was fine, all we did was play and laugh, but in high school I stopped seeing them and even though I went to the same school as my best friend, we grew apart and I realized we were not best friends, because she never talks to me about ANYTHING and she hasn’t accepted my Facebook request I sent her three years ago, even though a few days ago she accepted from a girl we don’t even talk to anymore.

I don’t know… I just feel disconnected from everything.I feel numb, and I want to go to a therapist but I don’t know how since I am only 14? Please help me out.

(Edited)
My Response:
First off, it’s great that you notice that you are not happy. That’s the first step in wanting to get better. Second, if you want to talk to a professional, you can always start with your counselor at school. Let them know how you are feeling and let them help you.

Talk to your parents, you will be surprised at how they may understand what you are going through, and even if they don’t, I am sure they want only what is best for you. Have them take you to a therapist if that is what you want.

Depression is a big problem in our world, don’t feel alone in how you feel. With that said, you have to try and think positive whenever you feel yourself getting down. You have friends and don’t stress about the ones not accepting you on Facebook. If you have unresolved feelings as to why your friendship ended with your ex-best friend then send her a message or call her. Try talking to her, maybe something happened that you don’t know about. Maybe she just changed, and if that’s the case, she was never your friend to begin with. I have learned that sometimes in life we make friends and we lose them. It’s sad, and it’s okay to feel sad about it, but we move forward and we find other people in our lives who are better for us. Don’t give up on happiness, you are still young but don’t hold it all in. Talk to someone, that’s the first step in figuring out why you feel the way you do.

Try participating in a group, whether at school or at your local church, if you go to one. Sometimes becoming part of a group will help you get out there more and be more social.
xo
kristin nicole
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Advice Column: Virgin vs friends with benefits

 

Advice Column: My friend is a virgin but wants to have sex. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: My friend is a virgin but wants to have sex. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Virgin vs friends with benefits… My friend is a virgin but wants to have sex with me. Like… friends with benefits. What should I do?

One of my friends is coming over to my place soon and she’s wanting to have sex (amongst hanging out and so on.)
I was okay with this and passingly asked how many guys she’s slept with. She replied that other than oral/hands she’s a virgin. 
Now, I’ve never slept with a virgin before. I know you have to treat her gently as if you were doing brain surgery on the President. 
I know what to do in order for it to be less painful, but how do I make it an awesome experience for her? I mean you never forget your first time, so I want her to remember it in a positive (insert HIV joke here) manner. She and I aren’t looking for a relationship. Just buddies who have sex every now and then. How can I make it more special without sounding like I’m trying to be romantic after we agreed no romance? I appreciate the help.

My Response: 

There is a very fine line that you are playing with in taking a girls virginity. She may say she doesn’t want anything now, but she has never been intimate with someone, so she doesn’t really know what feelings comes with that. I honestly wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t ruin your friendship on just wanting to have a friend with benefits, especially if she is a virgin. She should want it to be special with someone she really loves and not just to get it over with. It’s nice of you to want to make it special for her, but the best thing you can probably do for her, is let her down gently and tell her to find someone she really loves to have sex with for the first time.

xo

kristin nicole

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Advice Column: He deleted me from social media

 

Advice Column: He deleted me from social media. Photo from flickr.com

Advice Column: He deleted me from social media. Photo from flickr.com

Advice Column: He deleted me from social media, should I try contacting him?

Basically I didn’t reply to a few of this guys texts and calls so he blocked and deleted me. I am quiet and I realized I didn’t really like him. What shall I do? He has blocked me, so it seems if I try contacting him I will look pathetic, what should I do?

My Response:

If you realized that you didn’t really like him, then it really shouldn’t bother you that he blocked you or deleted you from any social media sites. If you wanted to just stay friends with him and it bothers you that much, then try contacting him and apologize for your actions. Explain to him you were confused and that you are sorry how you handled things, but that you would like to stay friends. Good luck.

xo

kristin nicole

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Poem: Thousands of words spoken

Poem: Thousands of words spoken. Image found on flickr.com

Poem: Thousands of words spoken. Image found on flickr.com

I was looking through old emails and found a folder of old poems. I thought I would share this poem I wrote back in 2007. I guess I already knew I would spend the rest of my life with my now husband.

Poem: Thousands of words spoken

Thousands of words spoken 
Could never really describe 
Every moment spent with you 
Through an angels eyes. 

If I give you a thousand kisses 
I could never convey 
The amount of love I feel for you each and every day. 

A thousand smiles in your direction 
And you could never see 
The million of smiles you give me when you look at me. 

A thousand worlds combined 
And in my heart you are mine 
I never thought I would find a love like ours intertwined. 

A thousand lives in our path 
A million to come 
But what I see in my heart 
Is the love I once lost. 
Now found through the light 
Given a chance to shine bright 
I look into your eyes and see what could be 
Everything around me has me falling to my knees 
Thanking the lord and the angels above 
For giving me your love. 

A thousand stars in the night and you only see one 
That’s how I feel when I feel your love. 
I never thought I find you in my life 
Everything I look for and all the days of our lives. 

Thousands of words spoken 
Thousands of kisses to come 
A thousand smiles in your direction 
A thousand worlds found as one 
A thousand lives in our path 
A thousand stars in the night 
No matter how many thousands 
It will always feel right because you are the man of my dreams 
The one I adore 
The one I want to be with forever & more. 

Written by: Kristin Nicole – Tuesday – April 10, 2007

Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend

 

Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: We are both girls and I like my best friend. Should I tell her how I feel?

I know I like her, but I don’t know how to tell her. Please help.

My Response:

Dear Gay Friend;

There are many things that can happen with this situation. It depends if your friend likes girls. Is she gay? If she isn’t then this can be an awkward conversation and you can take the chance of losing your best friend.
If she is gay, you are still taking the chance of losing a friend. You want to really make sure this is what you want, before you do it. If your friend doesn’t know you are gay, then this may be something you want to start off with. Think about it before you go through with it, because sometimes a friendship is way more important than trying to date a friend.

xo

kristin nicole

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Advice Column: I caught my friend masturbating

 

Advice Column: I caught my friend masturbating. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I caught my friend masturbating. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I caught my friend masturbating, what should I do?

We are both 15 year old girls and we don’t live together and we do not have relationship, besides friends; whatsoever at all. So we were both sleeping next to each other like usual cause I had invited her over for a sleep over. I fell asleep and woke up to the sound of her shaking and other embarrassing noises. It was only obvious what she was doing. In a panic, I pretended to be asleep until she was finished. Then she fell asleep. Now I’m writing this completely oblivious as to what to do and why would she do that in someone else’s house, and right next to her friend? Please help and thank you.

My Response:

Dear Friend;

There really isn’t an answer I can give you. It is a bit strange that she masturbating right next to you, and I can see how this can be very weird for you. Maybe she get’s turned on with the fact that someone is so close to her. Her hormones can be going a hundred miles an hour and who knows what she is really thinking. But these are questions that only she can answer. This can be a very awkward question to ask a friend, but if she didn’t want to be embarrassed then she probably shouldn’t have been masturbating right next you. There are only two things you can do, ask her straight up. Tell her you woke up and heard her, and you hadn’t said anything because you really just didn’t know what to do. See what she tells you and go on from there. Or you can simply ignore this happened. I wouldn’t sleep next to her on the next sleep over though, if you plan on just ignoring this.

xo

kristin nicole

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Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend

 

Advice Column: I like my brother's best friend. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I like my brother’s best friend. We flirt sometimes, but I don’t know if he really likes me, what should I do?

My friends brother is a year older than me and I started being interested in him. I started hanging out with his friends a lot more often and I see him a lot. He always smiles at me and teases me and will flirt with me. And tonight his friend stole my phone and to his friend [sic] I was like “omg I’m gonna kill you!” And then my crush was like “not until I kill you first” and he said it really sexually and was really close to me. I really like him. I don’t know if he likes me because when we were playing truth or dare, my friend asked him if he liked me and he said “Yeah sure.. I like a lot of people” and I was like what…? Does he like me, please help?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Brother’s Sister;

Going after your brother’s best friend can have consequences. You can ruin your brothers friendship if something were to happen, your brother may not approve or it can work out all for the best. If you really like him and you are sure he’s been flirting back, then just ask him. But make sure you are ready for either answer. He may just be nice to you, and like you as his best friend’s sister. So be prepared if it’s not the answer you really want.

xo

kristin nicole

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Advice Column: I feel empty after having sex with an ex

Advice Column:  Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I feel empty after having sex with an ex. Image found on flickr.com

The Question: I feel empty after having sex with an ex girlfriend. Why do I feel like this?

Ok so here’s the deal, I’m 19 and I just got out of this really intimate relationship with a girl about 2 months ago and I have been feeling like garbage ever since. Well about a week ago my very first girlfriend from 3 years ago (stupid high school relationship) came back into my life and we started chatting and hitting it off really well. Well one night as I was driving her home we shared a moment of weakness; I guess and had a goodnight kiss [sic]. A few days later we both agreed that it was inappropriate and we should just stay friends.

So a few days later we hang out at my house and watch a movie, and one thing leads to another, and we have sex. Now before we had sex, we agreed that it was going to just be a hook up with no feelings, and I’m fine with that. What guy wouldn’t right? But now its like 3 days later and I just don’t feel right for some reason, and I don’t know why. I’m not mad or sad but I’m not happy or content. I just feel blah. Anyone want to help explain why I feel this way? And why I can’t just brush it off and move on? We are still friends as far as I know, but should I talk to her about it or just let it go?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Sex with an Ex;

Sounds to me like you have feelings for this girl, and you just haven’t admitted it to yourself. If you truly don’t have feelings then maybe you just feel bad because you like the friendship. There is obviously a physical attraction on both ends. Is there a reason you two don’t want to try dating again. People grow and change from high school, so just because it didn’t work back then doesn’t mean it won’t work now. If it’s really bothering you, I would just talk to her, if she’s your friend there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. You also just got out of a serious relationship, so this can be confusing to you. Everyone moves on at their own pace, just because it’s only been 2 months, it doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for someone else. Especially someone you already know and dated in the past. Truly be honest with yourself and the situation. If you feel bad, then maybe it’s best you guys don’t let things get to that level again. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

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