Advice Column: Is it time to move on from this girl?

Time to move on. Image found on flickr.com

Time to move on. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

Is it time to move on from this girl?

When we first met senior year, 5 years ago , she liked me a lot and I can tell but I wasn’t feeling her. I stopped talking to her for a while . Eventually we started talking again and we got somewhat close. Suddenly I liked her but she showed little interest this time around. Just last year, we started hanging out a lot together,  movie, sushi dates but I liked someone else and I knew she liked me back . 

Fast forward to this year, she’s been showing very little interest whenever we try to makes plans she would make up excuses. Which got me to ignore her for a month, she was doing the same to me as well. Just last month I hit her up randomness and we started talking again, but on FB it says she’s in a relationship so I stopped talking to her for a week, 

I joined snapchat this week because of this other girl, but this whole week we have been snapchatting a lot and texting each other. Heck she even mentioned she wanted to make up for all the failed plans earlier this year. So we made plans for today to get sushi and watch a movie. Guess what she stood me up again saying she forgot and went to the city with her dad… 
Time to move on right?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Waiting Around;

You both have definitely been playing the back and forth game and it is definitely time to move on. She is obviously not that into you. You are obviously not that into her either, if you have stopped talking to her for other girls. She probably likes the attention over the phone, facebook or any other chat but if she really wanted to get with you, she would have a long time ago.This really goes for the both of you. If there was something there, it would have already happened. It’s time to move on and find a girl that will actually go on a date with you. 

xo,

kristin nicole

Question found on Yahoo.com

Advice: How do I get over a 6 year relationship?

Advice: How do I get over a 6 year relationship? Image found on Flickr.com

Image found on Flickr.com

Question:

How do I get over a long term relationship (6 years) break up with kids?

My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, the first week was hard. We share the kids 50/50 and are still friends. I see her almost everyday because of the kids. She broke it off saying she doesn’t think we are right for each other and its kind of hard at times. But other times I think I’ve gotten over her. But you know its still hard, is there a way I can make this easier??
I know about that whole going out, working on me, and stuff but I still think about it at times. Like is she thinking of the good times?Any good tips?
(Revised)

Answers:

Dear 6 year relationship,

Six years is a long time and you have kids together. The good thing is that you are still friends and you are doing this the right way for your kids. There really isn’t any good tips about getting over a relationship. Especially when you have children together and you have to see her almost every day.

Any relationship that ends is going to be hard. Time is the only thing that will help. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. Just try to stay busy. I am not saying that it will stop you from thinking about her but it will definitely help. If you aren’t ready for a new relationship that’s okay. You can start dating and getting to know other people with no strings attached. Hang out with your friends, go to the gym, just get out of the house. The more you sit around the more you will be thinking about her. It’s going to be hard and it is going to take time. You have kids together so you have to see her and that isn’t going to be easy. Try not to think about what she is thinking, if she’s the one who ended then more than likely she isn’t thinking about “the good times.” Trust me, time heals all wounds.

xo
kristin nicole

Question found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Advice: Was it my fault it ended?

 

Image found on Flickr.com

Image found on Flickr.com

Question:

Was it my fault it ended?

On a summer holiday, I seen [sic] a girl from the hotel who found me on a social media site, despite not talking to each other. We’re both college students (I’m a year older). We have spoken to each other almost every day for 5 months via text message & skype. She’s smart, nice, cute, and she feels special to me.

We were very close for those 5 months. Everything was brilliant. Talking almost every day, skyped each other, she used to laugh smile and say I was special to her. It was so nice. I asked to meet up but she wanted to wait until Summer so I waited patiently, as she wanted more time. I helped her feel better when she was down about her mock exam results and spoke to her on holiday so she didn’t miss me. We discussed meeting up soon, she lives 3 hours away. I brought it up again a few weeks later which I regret, seemed needy.

She has said I trust her and she trusts me but I asked to call her, she was busy. A week later without talking, she texts: “I’ll have to be blunt saying this but I want to end it. It was nice to know you. I struggle with distance, couldn’t cope going further… hope to continue still being friends!” – She hasn’t spoken to me for a month.

She seemed a little emotionally immature at times but she betrayed me and I felt incredibly hurt and sad. She did it out of nowhere and doesn’t appreciate what I did for her. I feel like a back up & I’ve already been going through a very tough situation in my personal life. Was it my fault?(Revised)

Answer:

Dear No Fault,

It was definitely not your fault. You actually tried to see her and she kept putting it off. I can’t give excuses as to why she did what she did but it definitely wasn’t cool. I would tell her how I feel, be ‘blunt’ right back at her. If this is how she treats her “friends” then I would say move on. Try not to take it personal as you don’t know her reasons behind why she did what she did. Move on and find a girl that’s in your own home town. Long distance relationships of any kind are hard to deal with anyway.

xo.

kristin nicole

Question found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Advice: Is this considered cheating?

Image found on Flickr.com

Image found on Flickr.com

Question:

Is this considered cheating?
I am in a relationship, my boyfriend and I have only been together for a month, but we had been seeing each other for a few months before we got together. I really do care about him. I have this guy friend though who is bisexual and really crazy and funny, and we are really close, I love to spend time with him, but when me and my boyfriend got together, he told me he didn’t like me hanging out with my best friend and that he doesn’t trust him. So I have been hanging out with my friend and keeping it from him, I go out to clubs with him and go over to his apartment sometimes. We don’t do anything though, we are just best friends, even though we have made out lots of times in the past before I got with my boyfriend. Is spending time with him behind my boyfriend’s back considered cheating?
Answer:
Dear Hiding behind your BF’s back,

It’s definitely not cheating, but it isn’t right to go behind your boyfriends back. That being said, it also isn’t right for your boyfriend to tell you who to be friends and who not to be friends with. If you were friends with this guy before you were with your boyfriend then he needs to accept it and be okay with it. Trust is very important in any relationship. Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. If he really cares for you he will trust and understand where you are coming from. Have you tried to hang out with your boyfriend and best friend together? Maybe if he sees your best friend isn’t a bad guy he will be okay with you hanging out with him. Good luck.

xo
kristin nicole

Question found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Advice: How do I ask a girl for her number?

Photo found on: Flickr.com

Photo found on: Flickr.com

Question:

How do I ask a girl for her number? We are both in high school, I’m not sure if she likes me. She smiles if I talk to her and I make her laugh.

Answer:

Dear Number,

If you have already spoken to her and she’s your friend then don’t be shy. Just casually ask her for her number. If you can’t come up with the courage to ask come up with a reason. Do you have any classes together? Maybe ask to get together to study. Or get a few of your guy friends to get together and tell her you guys are hanging out this weekend and if she wants to join with any of her friends, then ask for her number. Don’t be shy, worse case she says no. But if she’s smiling at what you say and you guys are friends there is no big reason she would turn you down. Good luck.

xo
kristin nicole

Question found on Answers.Yahoo.com

My husband won’t have sex with me and he’s on drugs

Can’t give up. Image by: google.com/images

Repost:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

The Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for a year, it has not been easy, we started out just okay. Both wanting a life long partner. He is 54 and I am 48, both been married a few times both have a few children. We both have a thirty year old and a seven-year-old child and a few between. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interest. We both feel we need to be in control and are a like. Neither one likes to give in. We love each other at least I do but can’t read his mind. His sister said, “If he did not care for you he would not even bother.”  So let me get to the problem.

I love this guy but he does not give me any affection what so ever now, No kiss, No touch, No sex, we fight all the time about it. I want it and he tells me you nag and you will not get it, shut your mouth, it is your mouth. [sic]. I try not to say anything, one, two, three and so on in weeks and still he will not even come to bed. He said he does it to teach me a lesson. In one year he might have been to bed 30-40 times an average of once every two-three weeks, it is so lonely. He stays in the room with me but sleeps in a office chair. It is killing me, I cannot stand it anymore, I feel so lonely. I cry almost every night. A few months ago I began to sleep in my daughters’ room, then down stairs, and now in the office of my company, just so he cannot hurt me by not coming to bed.

We both are pretty good looking people, I only think about making love to him. I do not want to be with anyone else and cannot even think about cheating, like I said he is a very good looking man, we both look young and I am sure he is not cheating but this just makes a person think what is wrong. The other thing is that he has only cum inside of me twice, and I always want him to do it in my mouth [sic], but he makes me feel like he does not want me. The sex has always been bad. I feel like I cannot please him. He will do everything to show me he is right, even giving in gets me nowhere. Now I feel he is just tired of me. I am a very loving and giving person and giving him breakfast in bed every day. He has a drug problem that does not help but I do not use myself. He started excluding me out of friends because he feels bad to use in front of me. Yes I do make a few comments but do not nag on that. Also I had my second stroke on 2/20/2013. Walking and doing better now. He was there for me in a way but he did not know how to help me; he is very selfish, but gave me the time he could and I did not make it easy for him. Anyways what you have here is two very selfish people that love each other and neither one knows how to give in and it is killing both of us, at least me. Help!!!!!!!!

~ Too many problems but not wanting to give up.

(Revised by KN)

The Answer:

Dear Too many problems but not wanting to give up;

It seems to me that you already know there is problems in this relationship and although you acknowledge them you don’t want to accept them. If he isn’t giving you attention, sleeping with you, having sex with you, talking to you and he’s on drugs, then there is something really wrong here. I don’t know what drugs he is on but this is the number one issue to start with. If you have a young child, it isn’t healthy that he is doing drugs. This can also be causing him to not have a sexual appetite. If he is depressed this can also cause a low sex drive. There are numerous reasons he may be acting like he is. It can be the drugs, it can be that he just doesn’t care, it can be that he’s cheating on you, it can be a million things. You need to try and talk to him, tell him you want to make this marriage work but not being intimate and ignoring you is not the answer. The excuse you said he gives you about “teaching you a lesson”, WHAT LESSON? Men don’t normally think like that, at least not any man I have ever met. If anything your punishment would be in the bedroom, not avoiding you. It sounds like you want to try new things and that you aren’t closed off to doing anything kinky or otherwise, so why he doesn’t want to have sex with you is beyond me. The only advice I can give you, is TALK to him. Try to go to counseling and explain what you are feeling. You have two choices, you live with it and be miserable or you realize that he’s a complete ASS and get out of this relationship. You deserver someone better, someone who will listen and talk to you, someone who will have sex with you and love you and someone who won’t put you down. You also deserve someone who isn’t on drugs and ruining their life and the life of your child. Think about it….

xo,

kristin nicole

 

 

 

Am I being crazy or is something going on?

Repost:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

The Question:

OK my wife had an emotional affair around 2-3 years ago. Its started with emails and within only a few months it became a lot more. Since then I’ve been a mess, I used to be “Mr Calm” about everything she did and now I’m jealous and over thinking everything….but maybe I should be… you tell me. I found out she’s been chatting on facebook with this guy (also married) recently. He was one of the first people she added as a friend and she didn’t add his wife until a month later. After I found out she changed her password and also changed the settings on her phone so she wouldn’t get messages sent to our email. {sic} Yet everyday there are 15-20 internet/media net things on our phone bill. I’ve tested this and those don’t show up if you are just checking your email and she doesn’t do anything else on her phone/internet except email and facebook.

Other things….she has a job that she can change her schedule and take an hour or two off anytime during the day, he lives 2 minutes away from us, is a cop, she tans everyday and has an after hours pass, her best friend who she tells everything to had an affair with a married man for 10 years and they are now married, he’s a cop too and friends with this guy. I catch her in little lies here and there and I have to wonder why she would lie if she’s not up to something.

Things to consider… We’ve been together since she was in high school going on 11 years of marriage now and have two beautiful sons. We look like the perfect family and couple. Everywhere we go we are the best looking couple there. If I left now she wouldn’t be able to pay the bills herself, she would be screwed, if the guys wife found out she could ruin her name in this town and my wife is all about “who’s who”

OK that’s the best I can sum all this up , so tell me am I being crazy? And what suggestions do you have for me….

Additional Details
Oh… the first guy was also married and is not the same guy I’m talking about now… and yes I know I’m insecure, I hate it!!! My wife is not a cop just him, Oh did I mention her dad was a cheater all his life and she adores him. Also, Counseling…seriously thinking of that but really I just want to know if she is cheating because I’m halfway out the door right now. At this point we are currently lovey dovey with each other yet I still see the 15/20 internet thing a day on the phone. If I try to talk to her again about it she will just get pissed and think I’m crazy again, her reason for the changing of the passwords is cause she said she doesn’t want to be treated like a 13 year old. I have asked her already and she swears its nothing just small talk, swears she loves me, but I wonder who she thinks about during the day at work. Keylogger? You have to tell your spouse or that is invasion of privacy, if I told her she would just use her phone all the time, there are two many ways for her to get away with it. {sic}.

My Response:

Dear Cheated On;

Okay first let me start with “YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT HER THE FIRST TIME!” Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and you being insecure or not trusting her comes with that. Unless you fully forgave her and were able to move on the first time then this isn’t a healthy relationship. I don’t care about what other people think or that people think you look like the perfect couple, those other people don’t live with you and those other people don’t have to feel miserable with you either. Stop thinking about how she will manage, as long as you take care of your kids let her fend for herself, she made her bed now let her lie in it. (Okay cheesy line, and I never understood the analogy behind it but it seemed to fit here). Her best friend had a 10 year affair and ended up with the guy, doesn’t necessarily mean your wife will be do the same; however I have to go back to the phrase “Once a cheater always a cheater.”

I understand you have two boys you have to think about but be honest with yourself, kids are smart and if something isn’t right they are going to sense it. It isn’t healthy for anyone to stay in a relationship where there is no trust and cheating going around. If you feel you have to check her phone or look at how much she’s used her internet, your suspicions should tell you that something just isn’t right. She may have psychological issues that go back to her dad but she is a grown women and she knows that cheating is wrong. If you truly want to try to make things work, it’s not a one way street and she has to put effort into making things work as well, try marriage counseling. My advice though…. get an attorney, get full custody of your kids, and move out. Have respect for yourself. What are you teaching your children if you stay in a marriage that is full of lies? You deserve better.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this answer on Yahoo.com

I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years

The-Question:

I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years I don’t know what to do? I cant seem to trust him anymore. I cant seem to forget and keep blaming myself for not keeping an eye on him.


My Response:


Dear 30 Years;

You have every right to not trust him anymore, you were married for 30 years and he betrayed your trust in the most horrible way a man can betray a woman’s trust. Do NOT blame yourself. We can not be on top of our men all the time, and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust the person you are with and that person should be faithful to you no matter what temptations are out there. If your husband couldn’t be faithful this is not your fault. No matter how hard it may be you deserve respect and love from someone and you deserve to not get cheated on. It may be hard to leave your husband but he left you the day he decided to cheat on you and destroy your marriage. Stay strong, it isn’t going to be an easy journey for you but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. My aunt was married for over 20 years and later found her soul-mate. It’s never too late! Good luck!

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on <a/ href=”http://www.answers.yahoo.com”>Answers.Yahoo.com

How do I express myself?

Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

 Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
Good Luck
xo,
kristin nicole