Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Is my boyfriend Gay? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Is my boyfriend gay?

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now. I sometimes don’t know if he’s in the closet, because he gives off vibes that he may be gay. I really like him, but I don’t want to be his cover story, for being straight. He’s told me how strict his parents are, and how he’s felt that he has to hide who he really is in front of them. I’ve asked him, what he meant by this, but he’s always really vague. Recently my friends saw him out at the movies with another guy. When I asked him about it, he just told me it was an old friend and to drop it. I found a text one time that came from a guy friend that I know is gay, and he was asking if they were on for their date. I’m feeling so confused. If he’s gay, why would he ask me out? Do I ask him if he’s gay? I’m scared he will break up with me if he’s not gay and I upset him for asking such a stupid question. Please help.

My Response:

Dear Girlfriend;

Just because he was out with another guy at the movies doesn’t mean he is gay. Did your friend see him doing something other than just being at the movies with a guy friend? If she didn’t see him kissing the guy, then he could have just been at the movies with a friend.

With that said; it is a bit strange that he’s mentioned he can’t be himself around his parents, and if he was just going to the movies with a friend, why would he hide that from you? As for the text from a gay friend, some gay friends can just say “date” and it doesn’t mean anything. You have two options, continue dating him and wondering if he’s really gay or not. Or just straight out ask him about the text and go from there. I’m not going to lie; he may get mad. If I had a boyfriend who asked me if I was a lesbian and I’m not, I would probably be bothered. But you can’t continue in a relationship with someone you think is possibly lying about their sexuality.

xo,

kristin nicole

 

Advice Column: Would it be stalking if I text my Ex?

Advice Column:  Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Would it be staking if I text my Ex? Image found on flickr.com

The Question: Would it be stalking if I text my ex?

My ex boyfriend and I broke up yesterday, and he wants to be friends. He still calls me baby girl. If I text him, would I be stalking him?

My Response:

Dear Ex;

Texting an ex does not make you a stalker. If you start following him around, and becoming obsessed then yes, you would be a stalker. But you just broke up yesterday, why would you want to text him anyway? He told you he wanted to be friends with you and he’s still calling you baby girl, so it’s clearly okay to text him as a friend, but this is a decision you have to make. Sometimes being friends with an ex isn’t easy. I am not saying it’s impossible, but sometimes it’s better to take a break from that person to be able to move on. He’s an ex for a reason.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids?

 

Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Will I ever get married and have kids? Image found on flickr.com

The Question: Will I ever get married and have kids?

I’m a 28 year old woman. When I tell people my age they are shocked and think I look and act young. 

I’m a bit depressed because I’m at an age where I should be getting married and having kids. However, I’m studying to be a nurse and I don’t finish until the end of next year. I’m broke but working on and off. I still want to go traveling, and do a big trip to Europe. All my friends my age have already done their “gap year” [sic] years ago and are now settled in their careers, getting married and having kids. 

I feel so far behind! I’ll be starting my career at 30! 

The only places I have travelled to are, Thailand, U.S.A, and The Greek Islands. I’ll be too old to go travel once I hit 30 right? 

I’m constantly surrounded by younger people and I feel so old. Will I end up alone? I’m single now and every time I meet someone and we hit it off it turns out he is already taken, it’s so frustrating! At the rate I’m going I’ll be living my “20s” in my “30s” and will be alone and childless in my 40s.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear 20s;

I am not sure what your question is. If it’s ‘are you too old to travel’ my answer would be NO! You are never too old to do anything you want to do in life. And when people tell me I look young, I’m ecstatic. Be happy you look good. Not everyone has a career and is married with children in their 20s. I didn’t get my Master’s Degree until I was 30, and I just got married in March. I don’t feel old and I don’t think I am behind. Most of my friends are a little older than me, and they all pretty much have careers, are married and with children. But I am not living their life, I’m living mine.  I am taking my own pace, and I am enjoying my life right now before having children. We aren’t in the 50′s, now a days women don’t have to get married and have children in their 20′s. Enjoy your life, finish school and have fun. Don’t worry about what other people think, at the end of the day it’s your life. When you least expect it, you will find the right guy and settle down. But until then, enjoy your life. Be grateful for the travels you have been able to enjoy. Not many people can say they have traveled as much as you. You never know, maybe you will meet someone while traveling. Live your life to the fullest no matter what age you are and enjoy it.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: Will she get mad that I went to a sperm bank?

 

Advice Column: Will she get mad if I go to the sperm bank? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Will she get mad if I went to a sperm bank? Image found on flickr.com

The Question: Will she get mad that I went to a sperm bank?

I went to pick up my date but she was still getting ready. I talked to her mother (no name) while I was waiting. She asked me if I could use some extra cash. Of course I said yes. I asked her what I had to do. She said her office paid $100 per visit for something I was probably doing for free now. She said come on down any time. She gave me her card and it showed she owned a sperm bank. She wanted me to come in and make DEPOSITS. 

This just seems strange to me. If my girlfriend sees me at her moms office, what can I tell her? Will I be in big trouble with my girlfriend? Or is this business just like any other business and it should not cause me any problems donating sperm. Surely my girlfriend knows what her mom does. 

I can just hear the following conversation now. “What did you do today?” “I went to your mom’s office and J—— off. I never want to see you again you pervert.” What should I do?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Sperm Bank;

Let me first start off with… WHAT? It’s just weird and wrong of the mom to have asked you to do this in the first place. Second; you have to really think about doing something like this. It’s not just extra money, if you want extra money, get a job. Get two jobs if you have to. Giving away your sperm means making a child out there. Even if you do this anonymously, some children grow up wanting to know who their dad is, and go searching for them anyway. Some are found out, and then years later when you have a family of your own, you will have to explain to your wife that this is your kid. The kid you made while at the sperm bank. It’s just something to think about.

However; that doesn’t mean that going to a sperm bank is wrong, it helps women and couples who can’t have children, have them. But it’s a big decision that can one day change your life. So think about it before you decide to do something like this.

On that note; your girlfriend may not like this. Most girls I know, wouldn’t want to know that the guy they are dating is just making babies out there. She probably knows what her mom does (especially if her mom’s the owner) but it doesn’t necessarily mean she want her boyfriend donating his sperm.

If you haven’t gone yet, I would say not to go. Talk to your girlfriend first and tell her what happened before it gets out another way. If you already went and did the deed, then I am afraid you will just have to face the music. Talk to her and explain to her what happened and your reasons for going. Maybe you will be lucky and she won’t care.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad

Advice Column: I want to leave my mom's to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com

Advice Column: I want to leave my mom’s to live with my dad. Image by flickr.com

The Question: I want to leave my Mom’s to live with my Dad, how can I do this?

I am 16 years old and was forcefully moved from my home with my dad about 2 years ago by my mom. She decided she wanted me to be with her and thus acted upon it. Since my dad is not excessively well-off, he couldn’t hire a lawyer, so I simply ended up staying with my mom. Try as I might, I cant adjust to my new school, make new friends, or genuinely be happy. My parents live on opposite sides of the country, and I have considered leaving (running away, if you will) to where my dad is. I ultimately want to know, if I get there, will I legally be able to decide that’s where I will live?
Running Away
My Response:
Dear Running Away;
You can try to go talk to a lawyer that may do a pro bono job, (which means he will take your case for free). Or at least maybe give you some free legal advice. I do not know where you live and I am not a lawyer so I cannot give you advice as to what you can do, or what will happen if you try to run away to another country. More than likely they will just send you back home. If you want to live with your dad, you have to do it the right way.
Have you tried talking to your mom, now that you are older? Have you tried reaching out to your dad? You are old enough to make that choice, and I would try talking to them first. If that doesn’t work you can always try talking to a lawyer or the courts and see what they tell you. It’s hard being a parent, just remember that your mom really loves you and probably only wants the best for you. I don’t know your parent’s situation so maybe your dad just couldn’t support you. It’s hard to understand when you are young, but be open and talk to them about how you feel. Maybe you will be surprised as to what they tell you.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: Am I being paranoid?

Advice Column: Am I being paranoid? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Am I being paranoid? Image found on flickr.com

The Question: Am I being paranoid? My girlfriend has cheated on me before, recently she went out with a co-worker, ignored my calls and didn’t get home until 1:30am.

She’s been unfaithful before and she said she doesn’t know why she did it. She met a guy from work at around 5:00 pm and didn’t get home until about 1:30 am, she ignored my texts the whole time. She talked about the windows of his car getting steamed up and misty so I’m thinking there’s something happening? He’s a guy from work that I’m pretty sure she mentioned him telling a co-worker that he has a thing for my girlfriend, but I’m not sure. She also said I can’t meet him because “it would be awkward.”When she last cheated on me, she told me the day after but she didn’t tell me the whole story until the word got around the whole college, and back to me. [sic]. She has then promised that she’d tell me everything and she’d never do it again. She also said the other day after arguing about being with me, “I don’t know what I want.” [sic]. I feel like I’m in love with this girl but she doesn’t seem to care about my feelings. Whenever I hint about me asking if she’s cheated she just says bye and ignores me and gets annoyed with me. [sic]. Someone please tell me what this means, am I being paranoid?

(Edited)
~Being Paranoid
My Response:
Dear Being Paranoid;
This isn’t called being paranoid, it’s called being in denial. She’s already cheated on you once, and now she goes out with a guy from work, ignores your calls, and tells you to your face that the windows were steaming? There is something very wrong with your girlfriend, it seems to me that she’s trying to get some type of rise from you.
Why would you tell your boyfriend that you went out with a co-worker, the car windows got steamy, but then try to act as if nothing happened? The first time she cheated on you, that was the red flag to get out. You should have respect for yourself and you shouldn’t be with someone who obviously doesn’t care for you. If this girl loved you the way you love her, she wouldn’t have cheated on you the first time, and she definitely wouldn’t be going out with a co-worker and ignoring your calls.
Another hint, is the fact that she doesn’t want you to meet the guy. Don’t you find this odd? The other guy probably doesn’t know she has a boyfriend, so meeting you would ruin whatever she has going on. You have a few choices, leave things alone and stay with her, always wondering if she’s cheating on you.  You can just show up to her job and introduce yourself, see how the guy reacts. Or you can take the high road, dump her a$$, have respect for yourself and find a girl who will truly care and love you in return.
xo,
kristin nicole
I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me

 

Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is Confusing Me. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: My Ex Boyfriend is Confusing Me. Image found on Flickr.com

The Question: My Ex Boyfriend is confusing me. What should I do?

My ex and I broke up mutually over a week ago. We agreed that we both aren’t ready, he did not have a reason why but mine was mainly because of studies (LLB). On the day we agreed to end us, he stated that he didn’t love me anymore then stated that he did and tried to make up excuses to end us. We agreed to continue being there for each other. 

After a recent 3 hour phone call which he initiated, he said he is surrounded by hot chicks; smoking weed everyday and has gone back to taking pain killers to help him not to feel. He also stated that he has no opinion on us anymore. He also sounded as though he does not care and contradicted himself a lot. I told him that he does not know what he wants but he disagrees and says he wants someone controlling. 

Before me, he was single for 3 years after being in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. He was in a gang and used drugs. I accepted him fully and love him without judging him based on his past. :) 

Ever since our relationship started he always said he feels he doesn’t deserve me and doesn’t understand how I can be as understanding as I am. During our relationship he also tried to end us 3 times. I always tried to uplift him and still love him despite him seeing himself as not deserving happiness. He didn’t believe he made me happy when he really did. 

Now, I have insomnia; no appetite; I’m emotional and confused. 

I haven’t contacted him after the call. 

Advice needed.

~Ex in Pain

My Response:

Dear Ex in Pain;

It sounds like your ex has emotional problems that derive way beyond your relationship. He needs professional help to see what is causing him to feel the way he’s feeling. Does he have a family member you can reach out to? Perhaps talk to them and see if they can help him.

It’s probably best you two ended things, you need someone who is stable and happy and can make you happy in return. You sound like such a sweet and caring person, but it’s not your job to take care of him anymore. If you are having problems sleeping and have loss of appetite, it can be from the stress of your break up, mixed with whatever is going on in your life right now.

Try to take things easy, try to focus on you and your studies. Don’t lose focus on you. You have to accept when someone doesn’t want help, it’s not easy and it doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to help him, but you cannot control his actions and/or his emotions. All you can do is let him know, that you will be there for him, if he needs you. And like I said before; try reaching out to someone that can help him. Life is too short, remember to take things easy, take a deep breath and focus on you.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old with 2 kids

Advice Column: My son is dating a 32 year old with 2 kids. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old with 2 kids. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: 

My son is 20 and dating a 32 year old, divorcee with 2 kids. I don’t like this.  How should I handle this?

My Response:

Dear Mom;

This is a hard situation to be in. Being a parent and not liking who your kid is dating is hard. Unfortunately your son is an adult and he can make his own decisions. I would voice to him your concerns, but I would let him know that I would support any decision he makes. You don’t want to push your son away by being negative and getting on him for dating someone so much older with children. He may figure it out on his own. I know it isn’t easy, but sometimes we have to let them make mistakes and learn from them. Raising someone else’s kids is not easy, especially when you are practically a kid yourself. Do you know if he has met the kids? Talk to him, but don’t attack him with what you don’t like. You have to have a limit as to what to say, if he starts telling you that it’s his life, leave it alone and try talking to him another time.  Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriend’s BF

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriends best friend. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriends BF. Image found on Flickr.com

Advice Column: I want to sleep with my boyfriend’s BF. What should I do?

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I love him, I don’t want to break up with him, but I have always had a physical attraction to his best friend. I actually met his best friend first, and we flirted for a while but nothing happened. I then met my now boyfriend and we hit it off. I still flirt with his best friend all the time, and he flirts back. One time when my boyfriend wasn’t looking he grabbed my ass and told me how hot I looked. It turned me on, knowing my boyfriend was in the other room. Another time I was wearing a skirt and we were all out to dinner, under the table he touched me. It was exciting and I just wanted to take him right there and kiss him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend but I can’t help my sexual feelings for his best friend. Should I just sleep with him and get it out of my system? Do I leave it alone? Help.

~ Attracted to my boyfriend’s Best Friend

My Response:

Dear Attracted to the boyfriend’s Best Friend;

It is never a good idea to cheat on your boyfriend, let a lone with his best friend. If you are having feelings for his best friend and his best friend has made moves on you, then you need to break up with your boyfriend. If you really loved him, you wouldn’t have allowed his best friend to touch you while out to dinner. I don’t think you should ever sleep with a boyfriend’s best friend or an ex’s best friend. But it is ultimately your choice. I would break up with your boyfriend and talk to the best friend. This may just be a physical attraction and you may lose something that was more special. But you never know, maybe this will turn into much more. On another note: If he was really a good person or friend, he wouldn’t be hitting on or touching his best friend’s girlfriend. I don’t care who met who first, it’s just wrong.

Look deep into your relationship, if you were really in love, you wouldn’t be messing around with his best friend. If the best friend really cared about his friend, he wouldn’t be messing around with his girlfriend. You say you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend but if you sleep with his best friend you are only going to hurt him. There really isn’t any way around this.

xo,

kristin nicole

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: He touched my brother and molested me. Image found on flickr.com

The Question:

He touched my brother when he was little and then he molested me. I’m angry and I don’t know what to do.

So a few years ago my brother and I where sleeping over at our friends house, and in the middle of the night I woke up and caught this person who was 13 at the time touching, with my younger brother who was 8 [sic]. I didn’t give it much thought, I just thought they were playing some harmless game or whatever and went back to sleep, the next morning I asked them what they where up to and this person said that they where just playing games on the computer. This was back when I trusted this person, so I thought I probably just dreamed it or my eyes where playing tricks on me since it was dark and I was still half asleep. Anyway, so I completely forgot about it for about 2 years and then around March of 2013, my sister told me some horrible rape story that had happened to her friend and it left me feeling shocked for several days. It triggered the memory of catching this person and my brother touching.

So I asked my brother what happened and it turns out that this person had bribed him to touch him. I couldn’t handle that so I told my dad and he said it was harmless and something I shouldn’t be worrying about and he laughed. I went over to this persons house for a week or so and he came back to ours, I wasn’t mad yet I just felt really bad [sic], I felt like it was somehow my fault that it had happened. I felt guilty for about 6 months non stop. While this person was here he was a DICK! I talked to him about what he did and he threatened me! He called me names and once he dry humped my back against my will.
I told him to stop but he waited like 30 seconds, I could have beat him up but I couldn’t be bothered [sic]. He stayed here for 3 months. I went over to his house in April this year and I beat him up, and I told him I was beating him because he humped me. He denied it at first but then he said if I wanted him to stop I should have just said so. I saw him a few days later and his eye was bloodshot, I still feel angry though, I think I should go to his house and dry hump him against his will and beat him up till he cries because I still feel really angry at that f***ing *****! I hate him for all the s*** he did to me.  He’s also racist. He brags to me about doing drugs cause he thinks its cool. He calls me names, like when he was here he called me a crazy b**** for not dyeing his hair. In 2012 He tried to beat me up because he was using my computer, and I asked if I could use it for a minute, and he just ignored me completely so I got angry and told him to get off. I didn’t fight back.
Please help, I don’t know what to do.
(Edited)
My Response:
Dear Angry;
You are very angry, but beating up on this person, or going to their house is not helping anyone. You have every right to be angry but you need to stop and talk to an adult that will help you. I am not sure if you have a mom? Have you spoken to her or any other family member besides your dad? You should try talking to your dad again, I cannot believe that he would just brush something like this off, but sometimes as adults we don’t want to face something that is so horrible, yet true. This doesn’t excuse him, but I’m just trying to understand why he would allow this man back into your house after what you told him. You or your brother should never be around this person. I would talk to another adult and report this person as soon as possible. If this person has done this to you and your brother than they most likely have done this to other children and it isn’t safe to be around them. Do not blame yourself, you couldn’t have prevented what this person did to your brother, you are and were young and you didn’t know what you were really seeing. The important part is that you now know the truth and you can now protect your brother and yourself by not being around this man and reporting him. Report this person to someone and stay away from them.
xo
kristin nicole
I found this question on Yahoo.com