Advice Column: Abusive boyfriend

Advice Column: Abusive Boyfriend Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: Abusive boyfriend

The Question:

I just broke up with an emotionally abusive man. After two years of trying,  now I regret it, why?

(Edited)

My Response:

Being in an abusive relationship sometimes turns into a cycle. You did the right thing by getting out. Some women don’t ever get out and they live a life of abuse and sometimes even end up dead. Do you want to live that kind of life? Always being scared, never feeling truly loved? Don’t ever regret leaving someone who only hurt you emotionally and physically. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, by leaving him. Trust me. You should try talking to someone, letting out your concerns and the trauma that you went through. You might not think that what you went through is much, but it is, and this can keep you from having healthy relationships in the future. You need to love yourself and respect yourself first so that the next man that comes along will love and respect you just as much as you love and respect yourself. No man should ever hit a women and know that you NEVER deserve to get hit, no matter what you say or do. Remember no man is worth you hurting over. Love yourself, respect yourself and always know that leaving a man who abused you isn’t something you should ever regret.

Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

Advice Column: Should I take him back?

Advice Column: Should I leave him? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Should I take him back? Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Should I take him back?

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I’ve been in a relationship on and off for almost four years, practically the whole time I’ve been living in NY.  I have been very unhappy in the relationship and ended up hurting him as a result. But we said we would try to make it through and we lived together for 7 months earlier this year. I said I wouldn’t live with him unless he was serious about marriage. He said it was his intention. A few months in, he changed his mind. I started getting desperate for him to act like a committed boyfriend, and he felt annoyed by that. So he broke it off. I immediately flew back home to live with my parents because I’ve been freelancing (unemployed). Now he wants me back. Says he is sorry about being a jerk and forgives me for how I’ve hurt him. Says we can make it work. Says he loves me and can’t imagine being without me. Guess my question for you is your thoughts on whether I should accept his love or just move on?

~Love or Move on

My Response:
Dear Love or Move on;
Men always want what they can’t have. And sometimes we realize what we lost once it’s gone. If you have been unhappy for a long time and you keep trying to make it work and it hasn’t worked, I would say move on! Sometimes we try to make something work that just isn’t there. It’s natural for us to want to make our relationships work, but if it’s forced it’s not natural. I can’t tell you to accept his love or move on, because ultimately you have to make that choice. But it looks like deep down you already know the answer. You haven’t been happy with him for a long time, you got back with him to try and make things work (maybe some part of that was feeling the guilt of hurting him). If you were truly in love with him, you would have not done whatever it is you did, you would have tried to make it work in the moment. We all make mistakes and sometimes we can forgive and move on, but it’s hard. Has he always been against marriage? Most men are honest in the beginning of a relationship and although they can change their mind about marriage, if they are honest about it, we need to accept it. If he’s already told you that your relationship is going in that direction, then pulled away and changed his mind, what makes you think he won’t do that again? He is missing you right now, and that’s natural for any relationship when you break up. But you have to really think about your relationship. Think about him, is this the man you truly can see spending your entire life with? After 4 years off and on, is this it? Ask yourself these questions, be honest with yourself. It’s scary sometimes to be truly honest with ourselves but we have to be. Because at the end of the day you don’t want to keep trying and wasting your time on something that at the end of the day isn’t going to work. Plus you deserve someone who isn’t so confused about your relationship, and someone you are truly happy with!
xo,
Kristin Nicole

Advice Column: My wife pays for everything

Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…. Image found on google.com/images

Advice Column: My wife pays for everything…

The Question:

I need help with my wife. Please tell me what to do! My wife pays for everything  but I still think she is selfish…

My wife says I’m selfish. She makes 90% of our income. With her income alone she paid off the house, 2 of my credit cards and saved for college for our 4 year old. The company she works for gave her a car, but now she wants to buy a new car because she say’s she can only use the work car for work related things. She wants a Lexus and she wants to put down a 70% down payment because my wife doesn’t like to owe money to the banks. I told her that’s selfish, she can get the whole thing financed for the full amount. I told her she shouldn’t put any cash down! She told me you are not smart when it comes to money so please let me handle it. I’m in the Air Force, she got me a high paying job with her company, but I said no and just renewed my contract with the Air Force because my job now is easier than her job. The company she works for has a lot of over time and it is stressful, while my job in the Air Force is not stressful at all and I never got deployed. [sic]. I told her with that amount of cash you are putting down for your car how about you pay for my credit cards, she said you had these credit cards before we got married and I already paid off 2 credit cards for you. She keeps telling me, “you do not want to better yourself, you are lazy and you are not a real man and you count on me to do everything.” She also put a down payment to help me buy a car for my daughter from my first marriage who will be 16 in 2 months who lives with her mom. I just think my wife is being selfish. Well the house and everything is in her name because my credit sucks and my ex wife messed up my credit. Please help! My wife does not listen to what I say. She is 25 I’m 36.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Selfish;

Okay let me get this straight, your wife pays for pretty much everything, she makes more money, she paid off 2 of your credit cards, a house, and a down payment for your daughters car (which she truly has no reason to do)??? Am I getting all this straight? I’m going to be blunt here. You have a job, and I am assuming if you have been in the Air-Force for a while now and you just renewed your contract, that you should be making pretty decent money yourself, so why exactly should she pay off more of your debt? That is not her responsibility, regardless if you are married and have a child together, it wasn’t even her responsibility to pay off the other 2 credit cards of yours to begin with. If she wants to put a down payment on a car it is her money and her choice to make. I understand you are married and being in a marriage you should both consult in each other and make decisions together, however; if you are not contributing and not even putting the down payment for your own daughters car then I would say you have no say in this. Even if the car is new, you never want to finance 100% of a car, that is a waste of money with how high the interest rates are right now. Your wife is only 25, I would trust her judgment if she has been able to buy her own home and pay it off already. I think you need to STOP depending on your wife to get you out of debt and fix your money issues, start paying off your own debt, start depending on yourself and helping out, again you work for the Air-Force, I know a lot of people in the military and I know after being in the military for a long time, you should be financially stable. You don’t pay for insurance and you have a lot of benefits, so get off your ass and start doing something. The only one being selfish right now in this relationship seems to be YOU. If you love your wife, sit down with her and try to work things out, be smart about it and show her that you aren’t lazy and that you can help out with some of the bills as well. Good luck!

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2011)

Advice Column: Son-In-Law pleasing…

The Question: Son-In-Law pleasing…

I saw my son in law pleasing himself, he didn’t see me but I did stare and wonder how can my daughter be unhappy with this guy when it is so big. I looked at him for a while because he was so large. My daughter should be grateful she has a big man. Why isn’t she happy?

My Response:

Let me start off with EWE! You actually stared for a while, while he was pleasing himself? That is just wrong on all levels considering this is your daughters husband. Lets start off with that is wrong, and you should maybe knock before entering somewhere, or simply tell your son in law that he needs to be careful when and where he does his deeds. As for you daughter, being grateful that her man is so big and why isn’t she happy??? REALLY??? Perhaps it has nothing to do with the size of his package and more to do with how he treats your daughter. Maybe you should be more concerned about why she isn’t happy than assuming it’s because her husband has a nice package. The package only makes a women happy in one department, after that it takes more than just the package to keep you happy (as a woman I would think that you would understand this). It also just isn’t about the size of the package, the package could be large but if the man doesn’t know how to use it right, then what’s the use?!?

I am not sure if you live with your daughter but maybe her husband and her need some privacy. Try being there for your daughter instead of wondering why she isn’t happy just because her man is well endowed.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

Advice Column: Cheating boyfriend

The Question: Cheating boyfriend

He cheated on me after we’ve been going out for 5 months and we were best friends for years before that. He was my everything! We were together every day and we did everything together. I’m so lost and I miss him so much it hurts. He hurt me so bad and I know we need time apart (he hasn’t even exactly tried getting me back yet) but I can see it coming in the future. We said our goodbyes but I don’t want to live without him and my mind set right now is saying that I’ll see what he has to say whenever that may be.[sic]. No matter what happens I can’t forget that he put me through HELL, I cried for 48 hours straight and I hate him for what he did, but he was my first real boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him and he was the first guy I have ever loved. I still love him so much and its like the saying “what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you start?” [sic].

Please help, what should I do?

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear First Love;

Its hard and it’s not going to be easy because he was your first real boyfriend and you lost your virginity to him which is something very intimate. I went through the same thing you did, my first love cheated on me and went back to his ex after we dated for over 6 months. It hurt like hell, and you feel like your whole world is falling apart, and you feel like there isn’t anything you can do to make the hurt stop. I know it feels like this now and I know in a way forgiving him to just have him back in your life may sound easy, but it’s not.

He broke your trust, he betrayed your love in the worst way possible, and this is something that is unforgettable. You can forgive him, but it’s something you will never forget, and it will always be in the back of your head. If he hasn’t tried apologizing now or trying to get back with you by now, he just doesn’t care. I know it’s hard to hear, but guys like this aren’t worth your time. I understand he was your best friend before that, but even friends don’t betray a persons trust. If he didn’t feel the same way about you that you felt for him, he should have been honest, more of a man and not a boy who would just go cheat on you with someone else.

You have to be strong! If he tries to talk to you one day, hear him out, forgive him so that you can move on, but do not under any circumstances GET BACK WITH HIM! You need to have respect for yourself, getting back with someone who would hurt you in that way isn’t going to make you feel happy. There are ‘plenty of fish in the sea’, so to speak, time will heal and you will find someone else, even if right now it seems hopeless. Trust me it’s not! As to your question of the saying ‘”what do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you start,” You move on! Because if the one person that you think can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry, they aren’t worth your time or energy, they don’t deserve your love.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

Advice Column: She kisses me differently

Advice Column: She’s kissing me differently – Image found on google.com/images

The Question: She kisses me differently

My wife has now started to kiss me differently as she doesn’t open her mouth to kiss me anymore.

She pecks me on the lips but there is no opening of the mouth or the use of tongues and I wonder what signal she is trying to send to me.

We have sex but I feel the change in the way she kisses me. Like she is trying to tell me something.

Please be honest and tell me what it means. If there are any women out there who can tell me why they are doing the same thing to there partners, it would be a great insight for me.

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Kisses;

The best answer you can get is directly from your wife. Sit down with your wife and tell her how you are feeling, tell her the changes in her kissing. Tell her that you have noticed the change and that you feel something is wrong. If she tells you nothing is wrong, then maybe she’s just decided to kiss differently. If it’s really bothering you then explain to her that it is bothering you, and that you feel she’s different; remember being open with how you feel is important in any relationship.

Just because she is kissing differently doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong with her. Maybe she just doesn’t want to kiss that much, but if you know this is not normal behavior then just out right bring it up to her. She’s your wife so don’t be shy, just tell her how you are feeling and get to the bottom of this, don’t let it linger around and let things get worse.

Good luck

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)

Advice Column: I think my brother’s gay

Advice Column: I think my brother is gay. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I think my brother is gay. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I think my brother’s gay….

I think my little brother is gay. Should I tell my parents?

My Response:

Dear Sibling;

Do you have proof that your brother is gay? Maybe you should talk to your brother first before assuming that he is gay. It’s also your brother’s decision to make whether or not he wants to tell your parents. That is, if he is gay.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: I’m cheating on my fiancé

Advice Column: Cheating on my fiancé. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: Cheating on my fiance. Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I’m cheating on my fiancé

I’m getting married in a weeks time, but I’m sleeping with someone else. I love my fiancé, he is the love of my life but I can’t let the other guy go and I don’t know what to do. Help.

(Edited)

My Response: 

Dear Cheater;

If you were truly in love and ready to get married you wouldn’t be cheating on your fiancé. You say he is the “love of your life”, but if this was true, then why are you sleeping with another man? You want your cake and you want to eat it too. Unfortunately that’s not how life works. How would you feel if your fiancé was sleeping with another woman? You have two choices to make, either leave this guy you are sleeping with or let your fiancé know the truth, let him move on, and stay with your lover.

You can’t have the best of both worlds, eventually the truth will come out and it will all blow up in your face. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: I’m not ready

Advice Column: Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I’m not ready… Image found on flickr.com

Advice Column: I’m not ready

I’m 14 and my boyfriend is 18, and he really wants to have sex with me but I want to wait until I’m older before I lose my virginity. The other day he said he will break up with me if I don’t let him have sex with me and I really love him and don’t want to break up. What should I do?

My Response:

Dear 14 year old;

First and foremost you are really young to be thinking about having sex. Sex isn’t something that you just give away to anyone. If he really loves you, he would wait. You have a big age difference and sometimes that can be a challenge, but if you aren’t ready to lose your virginity do not allow him or anyone else give you an ultimatum. Go with your gut instinct and wait. If he breaks up with you because you won’t have sex with him then he doesn’t really love you. Like I said before, if he loves you he will wait, and if he doesn’t then you deserve someone better. It may hurt to lose him but it’s better to move on from someone who won’t respect your wishes than to give in and regret it later.

xo

kristin nicole

I found this question on Yahoo.com

Advice Column: Abusive Military Husband

The Question: Abusive Military Husband 

I am currently living with my husband overseas in Bumholder, Germany. I have been thinking about it for a while now and decided I need a divorce. My husband is emotionally abusive, he’s thrown used protection [sic]. (not sure if I can say the other word) at my face before, when he left for his last training he only gave me 40 dollars to last a month and a half and I have a child as well and no transportation. He tells me he hates me every day yet he refuses to let me move back home. I feel the only option I have left is to divorce him. I am also worried about him finding out.

I don’t feel safe living with him and I’ll feel even less safe being here while we are going through a divorce; he has a tendency to sharpen his knifes after we have fought and threaten me, and that scares me to death. I need all the possible information on how to go about getting a divorce. Who should I try to contact. My husband leaves again for training next week and will be gone another month and a half. At this time I’ll most likely have no money again and it’s a short time frame to get this all done. I was just trying to deal with it and hope that something would change but it hasn’t. I don’t even like him being around our daughter who is 7 months old. The only time she’s around him is when I shower, and it makes me so nervous because he is always screaming at her because she won’t stop crying. But it’s just because he has nothing to do with her and she isn’t really familiar with him. I have no idea who I’m supposed to go to or call. Also, if I tell the Military that I feel unsafe living with him while going through a divorce can they help and place me somewhere else until it is finished? I just need all the help I can get, please!

(Edited)

My Response:

Dear Abused wife;

If you are from the United States go to the embassy, I am sure that there is something you can do about getting back to your family while you get a divorce. You can also go to his platoon, being abusive is against any military law. He can get arrested and discharged from the military. I am not sure how far you want to go, this may anger him more, but you need to stand up and fight for yourself and for your daughter it is not safe nor is it healthy to stay in this relationship any longer. What he’s doing is wrong, and you staying with him is not going to help your daughter have a normal and good life. Giving you $40 to last a month is ridiculous. Have you thought about getting a job, the military helps with day care and things like that if you need to get a job to save money. The best bet is to go to his commanding officer (boss) and tell him what is going on, explain that you want to go back to the United States but that he refuses to let you go. If you have family, call them, have them send you money and get your passports and get out of there. Figure out the divorce later, but you need to find yourself a lawyer as soon as possible so that you can file for divorce. No one should have to take abuse (emotional or physical) find a way out and do it as soon as you can. If you have any friends you can trust, maybe you can stay with them for a while, until you can figure out how to get back to the United States. (Again I am assuming you are from the U.S). If you are not from the U.S; then get back to where ever you are from, call a friend or family. If you don’t have friends or family then you will have no other choice but to go to his boss and tell him what is going on. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com (2010)